31w4d - Baby Shower Day!

Today is my baby shower and I'm so excited! It's been an exciting weekend already and I still have my shower to look forward too!

Yesterday my mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, BFF and her boyfriend all came to visit and help set up for the shower. It was wonderful to have company and see everyone! And my mom let me walk over to our condo clubhouse (where the shower is going to be) and watch her decorate it. I know to the average person who is allowed to leave their house that may not hold the excitement it did for me but it was just nice to see new surroundings.

I already got to open 2 gifts - one from a friend a work, Chas, and one from Anna; they can't make it to the shower today and I will miss them. Thanks ladies, love love love the gifts, especially the teeny tiny little onesies!!! And Jennifer my sis-in-law brought me a box of baby stuff that was Tara's (my niece) with clothes and bottles and diapers and all sorts of goodies in it.

After everyone left, Jason made home made beef stroganoff and then after dinner he put together the co-sleeper that we ordered. It was very humorous too because, as a man, he refused to read the directions before diving into the project, and he couldn't figure out one part of it. So I had to read the directions to him (even though he didn't ask me too) and he finally got it all together. He was so cute when he finished it because he tested it out by laying in it himself. I think he is a little over the weight limit for it but it held him so I have faith it will hold our little sweat pea.

I will post pics and details of the shower tomorrow. I am so excited!!!

31w2d - Time for a little fun!

As you have probably read by now, my baby shower is this Sunday, and I'm totally excited about it. I feel like I have some real fun in my future! Today I have a project to work on for the shower which will occupy me for a while. And there's a Eureka marathon on the SciFi channel which is awesome! And I have a bed rest buddy today - my husband is off!

Tomorrow my mom and aunt are coming over to start setting up for the shower. My husband and I live in a condo/townhouse and we have rented out the clubhouse for the shower. It's literally right across from our front door but the prospect of seeing new surroundings makes me happy. So they are going to come decorate it and stock the fridge with a sandwich tray and cheese ball and get it all set up for Sunday. I know I'm not allowed to help with the decorating or anything but I figured I could at least go over to the clubhouse and get comfy in one of the big chairs and watch them work lol. If they'll let me...

And then Sunday is the big day! I've been cheating and checking out my registries online and seeing what items have been purchased already. Jason always yells at me when he catches me looking because he says it isn't fair. But since I registered for the items we need and want, I can already guess what is going to be bought for me so what does it hurt to take a little peak from time to time. It's going to be great to get some baby stuff, but I know I'm going to be sad that I can't put it all away and get the nursery set up. I guess I'll have to wait for another 3 weeks to do that, and it'll be fun when I finally get to do it!

So Sunday morning my mom is going to come over and help me fix my hair and get ready. I was hoping it would be a little warmer when we had the shower so I could wear this cute maternity dress I bought way back when I could still go shopping (and have only worn once) but I guess I'll wear jeans... I can't wait to get all dressed up cute like a normal pregnant woman! What the heck, maybe I'll wear the dress after all. I mean, I only have to walk across the side walk a few feet then I'll be back inside where its warm right?

I think Bri is excited about the weekend of excitement too because she is still moving around like crazy! It's totally awesome too because I know how to make her move now. If I read or sing to her, she'll start to move. If I rub my belly, she moves. When my kitties lay near me and purr, she moves. I think she's anxious to get out and start living! But that's not surprising because if she's anything like me, she isn't going to like sitting still for long! It's so bizarre to think that in just a few weeks, she's going to be here! And I'm going to be a mom! I'm so excited but at the same time, still a little scared. Newborns just seem to fragile and breakable and we're going to have one soon! We're going to be responsible for another human life that can't take care of itself! The thought fills me with so many different emotions that I just feel like I may explode! But I can't wait! Bri and I are going to have so much fun when she is here! We can go for walks in the park and I can take her shopping and take her to work to show her off to everyone...

I better get started on my project for the shower. I'll post pics of it when I finish.

31w1d - Weekly outing to my OB

I get to leave the house today for my weekly OB appointment. I was hoping for warmer weather and maybe a chance to see the sun but oh well, it's more snow for me blah. Feeling a little nervous again. She can't hospitalize me today because my shower is Sunday! So everyone say a little prayer for me and cross your fingers. I've got my bags packed though, just in case...

Back from the doctor and the outside world. It was a good appointment yay!! My cervix has not dilated any further and my doctor said it was holding steady. She did say that it is already about 90% effaced though so when I do go into labor it won't take long for me to dilate and actually have the baby. She said she usually won't admit a patient until they are 4 or 5 cm dilated but with me, if I hit 2 or 3 she is going to keep me. And at my next appointment next week I will be 32 weeks and she said she may start letting me up and about a little more then. She seems to think I will make it very close to my due date. I'm starting to take bets - I say I'll have her around the 35 week mark. Jason says 37. Either way, I think Bri is anxious to come out! When the doctor went to put the Doppler on my belly today my whole belly did the wave and she had a hard time finding her heartbeat because she was like doing somersaults in there! I was counting kicks last night, and you're supposed to be able to feel 10 kicks in an hour but it only took 6 minutes to feel 10 kicks! So she's doing good! And next Thursday we go for a fetal growth ultrasound too so we'll get to see her again!

One funny thing is that I have only gained half a pound since my appointment last week which is good since I've been on bed rest and feel like I've been eating alot! That means I can eat alot of cupcakes at my shower Sunday and not feel guilty! But woot for Sunday! I'm so excited that I'm still pregnant for my shower and that I can actually attend! This will be an exciting weekend for me and that's good because we all know I need a little excitement right now!

31 Weeks!!! Half way there!

As of today I have been on bed rest for 3 weeks and I have 3 more weeks to go so I'm half way there! And it's my 31 week milestone today! Tomorrow is my OB appointment so I get to leave the house for a little while, thank god. I just hope everything goes good tomorrow and I get to come back home afterwards. But I'm not as nervous about my appointment this week as I was last week. I guess I just feel good about everything this week. I haven't had any more contractions this week, no bleeding, and the little punkin is always moving in there! I'm still thinking long and thick thoughts and directing them towards my cervix though. I'm sure I'll be more nervous in the morning as I get ready to go but as of now I'm still relatively calm.

I'm getting super excited about my shower this weekend too. My BFF Sam is making cupcakes and my mom is coming down Saturday to decorate the condo clubhouse. My sis-in-law and mother-in-law are coming up from Louisville yay! It'll be so great to see people and get out of the house for a little while!

I got an email today that our Arm's Reach co-sleeper we ordered has shipped and that's awesome news! It'll give Jason something to put together when it gets here. Below is a pic of the one we ordered. It's convertible to a free standing bassinet and then to a play pen. It was kind of expensive but since I am going to breast feed I thought it would be so much easier to have Bri right there next to me when I'm sleeping so we won't have to really wake up completely for feedings. And she'll be safe in her own little sleeping area where we can't roll on top of her or anything. We'll migrate her to her crib in the nursery after a few months though.



Jason surprised me with goodies last night! He got me some Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream and some Starbucks Hot Chocolate ice cream. He also got me some Little Debbie Triple Chocolate Fudge Cakes. He's still worried about my lack of appetite and is trying to fatten me up still lol. He also made the best dinner last night. Baked lemon pepper cod, home made scalloped potatoes and corn, yumm!!! He's the best ever!!!

So I'll post again tomorrow after my appointment. Everyone think good thoughts for me and Bri!

30w6d - Feeling icky!

I'll start with the good stuff... tomorrow is the 31 week milestone, yay! Just 3 more weeks of bed rest woohoo! I'm half way there and feeling good that I've made it through the last 3 weeks. Yesterday I bought 4 tickets to the Jimmy Buffett concert for me, Sam, Anna and Natalie, yay! I just hope I am able to go since the concert is May 17 and my due date is April 28 (assuming I make it to my due date but I'm being optimistic). If I am able to go, I hope I have lost the baby weight so I can wear a coconut bra and grass skirt but we'll see.

Now the bad stuff... I finished my antibiotic yesterday and still feel like crap! Yesterday was one of those days when you can't quit sneezing and you want to put a cork in your nostrils to stop the dripping. Glad mom bought me those kleenex with lotion, my nose is very greatful! This morning I woke up with a sore throat again and my ears are all full and it sounds like I'm in a tunnel. So much for the tamiflu! I keep taking my temperature to make sure I don't have a fever and so far I'm good. But I'm so tired that it feels like I just ran a marathon and I have been napping all day!

I also have some little feet or hands lodged under my rib cage, at least that's how it feels. It's hard to take a deep breath or catch my breath and every once in a while I feel a little flutter up there. I can only imagine how cramped it must be in there, but take it easy on mommy's ribs and lungs please Bri! She is going to be stubborn just like me, I just know it! And while we're on the subject of movement inside my bump, what's with the hiccups? I feel so bad for my little punkin cuz she seems to have them daily and when she does, they last for a really long time! I just hope that they aren't as annoying in utero as they are when you're out! Jason actually felt them last night they were so strong. But I still love to feel her movin in there. It reminds me of why I am doing all of this.

30w5d - People that make me happy

Yesterday ended up being a good day, and today seems to be good so far too. That being the case, I want to highight some things that people have done for me while on bed rest that have made me happy and have helped me to endure my house arrest...

1.) Jason - everything my loving husband has done has been for me and has made me happy. The cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and taking care of the kitties. The trips to and from the hospital, even in the snow, just to be with me. The constant strength he has shown through all of this. Being my shoulder to cry on when I have bad days and knowing just the right ways to cheer me up. The Super Mario Brothers game he bought me for the Wii to keep me busy in my boredom. The little things, like bringing me home chocolate milk and snacks I like without me asking for them. Buying me shampoo and conditioner when I was in the hospital complaining about horrible I looked. Cuddling with me every night and rubbing my belly. And of course, the wonderful Valentine's gift he brought me to the hospital. I honestly couldn't make it through any of this without him and I want him to know how important he is to me and how much more I love him each day.



2.) My mom - She has gone out of her way to visit me at home and in the hospital. She drove to Cincinnati to spend the night with me in the hospital when I was scared and alone. She kept me company on my dark days and brought me good tissues with lotion when I couldn't stop crying. She calls me daily to check on me and make sure I am okay and don't need anything. She has also helped me so much that without her I don't know if I could have gotten this far. And she got me a super cozy blanket and pillow to cuddle up with on the couch.

3.) My dad - He texts me everyday to make sure I am not getting to bored or am too lonely. He too has been to visit me and keep me company with mom both in the hospital and at home. He calls me all the time to make sure I am okay. And he too got me a wonderful Valentine's present that will go in the nursery room.



4.) My Brianne - Feeling her kick and punch and move in my belly is the best feeling there is, even though it does actually hurt some time. Knowing that she's there is the motivation and inspiration I need. In the hospital, they would put me on the monitor twice a day and hearing her heartbeat was the most comforting sound a mother could hear. I even recorded the sound on my cell phone so I can hear it anytime I need to be reassured.

5.) Samantha, my BFF - She visited me in the hospital and at home. She brought me a goodie bag in the hospital with magazines and a puzzle book, hand sanitizer, a nail file and a teddy bear to cuddle. When she visited me at home, she brought me a candy bar because she knew I hadn't been eating well and brought me a Teach Yourself to Knit kit. She's making cupcakes for my shower next weekend and since she was on bed rest after her surgery, she knew just the right things to say and do to make me feel better. Thanks Sam!



6.) Jolie - For coming to visit and have dinner with us. She checks on me daily also and even though she has her own problems right now, she always makes me feel important and loved.

7.) My kitties - Orion and Aurora seem to know when I'm sad or sick and they have been my little cuddle buddies through this. Just having them curled up at my feet makes me feel better. Here is Orion, aka Mr. Kitty, aka Fat Boy.



8.) Jennifer, My sis-in-law - She calls me all the time and emails me to check on me. She just had a baby and has been there for all my stupid questions and fears that I need help with.

9.) All my co-workers and friends not mentioned - Thanks for asking about me and the emails and prayers. I appreciate all of it!

30w4d - Hoping for a good day

I've noticed with this bed rest thing I have good days and I have bad days. Thursday was a great day! Got some good news from the doctor, got to come home, yay! Yesterday, not such a good day. I had a small melt down yesterday morning over the amount of discharge (I know TMI) I was having and it scared me and made me think I had sprung a leak in the amniotic sack. Even though Thursday I was told everything was fine, my brain concocted this scenario probably out of boredom. Well that put me in a funk for the rest of the day. And that makes me feel terrible because it's the weekend and my husband is home with me and I should be happy that I'm not alone. And then it just spirals out of control. I'm too bored to do anything enjoyable and worried that I'm stressing or upsetting Jason and panicking that I haven't felt the baby move in a while and then I just lay and cry. I feel like I have these full blown pity parties for myself at least a couple times a week and I can't stop them. I try to stay positive and think about the reason I am doing this, Bri, and that usually helps but this is really wearing on me mentally.

I have found a few outlets for my depression and worry and use them daily to try to stay positive. I have set short term goals for myself like making it to Wednesday because that's the 31 week mark, and Thursday is my OB appointment so I get to leave the house, and next Sunday is my baby shower. And I know that every day I keep the bun in the oven is a good thing and means less time for Bri to have to spend in the NICU. And now I feel like there's an end in sight, just 3 weeks and 3 days till the 34 week mark and then possibly a return to work and normal life. But on good days, I have this clarity and can see these things. On bad days I don't. I am just so anxious to meet my little punkin and to be a mom and to have my little Bri home with us. I talk to her daily and tell her how much fun we're going to have while I'm on maternity leave with her. That makes me feel good, especially when she responds to me and kicks or rolls when I'm talking to her. I try to remember that feeling when I'm having a bad day and feel hopeless...

So yesterday my mom came to visit and brought me candy and we played cards. That was nice. And Jase and I had a movie-date night and watched Zombieland. Those things cheered me up. I even helped do some housework - Jason brought me a basket of clean laundry and I folded it lol. Today, I am going to focus on all the wonderful things that are going to happen. We are going to be parents! We are going to have a daughter and be a real family! She is going to be healthy, happy and beautiful and I'm going to endure all of this to ensure that she is. I'm going to be a mother and as a mother, I am going to have to make sacrifices, and this is just a test to see if I can do it. To see if I can be a good mother. And I'm going to pass it, I have too.

As I mentioned above, my shower is next Sunday and I can't wait to see my friends and family! I can't wait to get dressed up and look the part of the cute pregnant woman and eat cake and play games. I don't get to do too much, but this week I have a project to do for the shower. I am going to make party favors! Jason proposed to me with M&Ms, and we had M&Ms as a wedding favor so we bought some pink and white M&Ms and I'm going to put them in the leftover favor tins from the wedding and put pink ribbons on them this week. That'll keep me busy for a little while I hope. Plus I am so looking forward to my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and neice coming up from Louisville for the shower! So to ensure that I will be able to attend my own shower and not have to be hospitalized after my OB appointment on Thursday, I am going to put myself on strict bed rest again this week... which I am not looking forward to. But if I can do it for 3 days, then I should get more good news from the doctor on Thursday and I'll get to have my shower.

So here's hoping for a good day today and a more positive outlook for the rest of the week...

30w2d - Part 2 - Good News!

I am writing from home and not a hospital room!!!! Doctor said my cervix has held steady since last week, no further effacement or dilation, so she let me come home! She was a little concerned about me possibly leaking fluid though and sent me for another ultrasound which showed the baby is healthy and my fluid levels are normal. They said I have a dynamic cervix, which stays relatively normal length until I move or put pressure on it which then causes it to thin out. But we got to see Bri on the monitor again and they did another 3D ultrasound so we got to see her chubby cheeks again! Yesterday was not a good day for me, emotionally, but today is great. Doc said I can leave the house once a week and Jason can take me to McDonalds or the equivalent, drop me off at the door and we can eat lunch there. And they want to keep me on partial bed rest until I hit the 34 week mark (which is only another 4 weeks) and then I may be able to return to work until I deliver! So 2 weeks down, 4 to go... I can do this!

After we left the doctor we hit the McD's drive thru and I dropped Jason off at work and drove myself home! I hadn't driven in so long!!! So, he's going to take the bus home today but I get to drive to the bus stop and pick him up so that means I get to leave the house one more time. And, my doctor cleared me to go ahead with my baby shower next Sunday as long as I act like a patient and sit in a big comfy chair the whole time. And that we need to keep it short so at the 90 minute mark my mom will have to start kicking people out lol. But I get to go to my own shower and that makes me ecstatic! So, I've had a relatively busy day (compared to my usual days) so it's back to bed I go. But I'll leave you with a pic of the nursery. It's kind of a dark picture but you can get the idea...

30w2d - Part 1 - I get to leave the house!

This morning I get to leave the house for my OB appointment! However, I have mixed feelings about this outing. I am anxious to get out of the house and see the outside, snow covered world, but I am scared that the doctor will find a reason to keep me in the hospital again. So if anyone is actually reading this, say a little prayer for me and wish me good luck. I have my overnight bag packed in the hopes that going prepared will mean I won't have to stay. I am afraid that everything I do this morning will affect the length of my cervix - getting dressed, walking to the car, eating breakfast, worrying... I am thinking long! And thick! I'm really more worried about next week though since my baby shower is next Sunday. I wonder if the doctor tells me next week that I need to stay if I can just say no? Or tell her I will stay but I have to be out by Sunday morning... Think that'll work? I will update more after my appointment (hopefully from my own bed with my fingers uncrossed).

30w1d - Another movie day

So since my weekly OB appointment is tomorrow I forced myself to stay in bed all day yesterday and will do so again today in the hopes that I don't get put back in the hospital tomorrow. But, since I am now officially sick, it's actually easier to stay in bed all day. Yesterday I watched some movies, Riding in Cars With Boys, Couples Retreat and Julie & Julia (thanks Sam!), and did very little else. Rather than going to Urgent Care I called my OB about being sick and thankfully she called in a prescription of Tamiflu for me (tamiflu just in case it isn't bronchitis and is worst case scenario H1N1). So my husband picked it up for me, along with some cough drops, and made me spaghetti for dinner last night, yum.

I am going to stay in bed today with some more movies, but I do have a small to-do list for today also. I have to call our future Day Care center to see if I can mail in our application and reservation fee since I can't drop it off myself. I am going to shower to prepare for my appointment tomorrow. I am going to buy the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper that we want for the baby (online) and I am going to pack a hospital bag for tomorrow. I figure if I go to the Dr prepared to stay, I will be less likely to have too. And speaking of packing bags, I still need to have Jason pack the diaper bag for the big day too, which means he'll have to wash all the little clothes for the baby too. Again I feel like if I am prepared for the worst, it may not happen so soon.

I am so scared that my cervix has changed since last week and if it has, I know they'll admit me. Which honestly isn't that bad I guess. I don't really mind spending the night in the hospital, but I hate that it means Jason will have to once again alter his schedule because he will miss work again and stay with me. I am trying to remain optimistic though because last week the high risk doctor said she sees no reason why I can't stay at home and rest until I go into labor. But if they put me on the monitor and see contractions... I need to stop thinking that way! If I can just make it 2 more weeks they make take me off bed rest. And my shower is the following weekend too so I really don't want to miss that. I need to schedule my appointment for next week early in the week so if I do have to spend the night in the hospital I won't be there for my shower. So here's hoping for good news tomorrow and that my next post will be written from home.

30 Weeks!!

Today marks my 30 week milestone yay! Hopefully only a few more weeks of bed rest and the my dr will let me off house arrest. I had a rough night though... Brianne was moving so much last night, it was uncomfortable and I think it was causing contractions. It is so weird because she was moving so low that it felt like she was trying to escape my uterus, literally. I am afraid that all that low movement may have affected my cervix and caused more thinning or dilation but I won't know till Friday at my OB appointment. It was like she had a foot in my rib cage and was trying to use her hands to tunnel out, ouch! I actually thought it might have been labor pains for a few minutes and that freaked me out, especially since Jase was already asleep. But I survived the night and she stayed put, phew!

Yesterday my BFF Sam and her fiance came over to visit and brought me some goodies! She knew that I had lost some weight so she brought me a candy bar to help fatten me up and some movies to watch. It was so nice to see her since it had been so long. She too is off work right now due to a surgery she had about 3 weeks ago so we have been kind of bed rest buddies for a while now. And since we work together, we've both been out of the loop for awhile and both are almost anxious to return to work just to get out of the house and back on a normal routine. She also brought me a learn to knit book and kit and some yarn so I have something else to help occupy my time now.

I go to my doctor Friday and once again have mixed feelings about going. I'm anxious to go just so I can get out of the house but I'm scared too. I'm afraid she is going to find that my cervix has effaced and dilated more and that I'm going to end up back in the hospital. I know I know, positive thinking right? I am trying to think positively and stay optimistic but it's hard to do when my last 2 appointments landed me in the hospital. But I guess if I have to be there again, at least I'll be in the best place for me and Bri if something happens. So in an effort to stay out of the hospital, I'm putting myself on strict bed rest for today and tommorrow. And I almost don't want to admit this, but I think I caught Jason's cold... I woke up with a sore throat this morning blah! As if I need something else to make me worry and feel bad. If it doesn't go away I guess I'll go to Urgent Care tonite when he gets home.

My poor Jason had a rough day at work yesterday and didn't get to leave until late and then had to go to the grocery store. He came home with tons of bags and had to make 3 trips in with them and it killed me to not be able to help at least put the groceries away. I sat at the dining room table and watched him put everything away though. He got me all kinds of goodies like chocolate chip cookies and chocolate milk and soup and granola bars... He's too good to me. Then my poor babe cleaned the kitchen and made dinner and I hate having to sit by helplessly and watch but he says he doesn't mind taking care of me and Bri. I will make it all up to him once Bri is here.

So wish me good luck for Friday and keep your fingers crossed that I'll be coming home and nothing has changed. I'm trying to keep my spirits up today because at times I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to just deliver now and get it over with (I know that makes me sound awful but it's the fear and boredom talking and I don't really want that). I'm posting a pic of my little one and husband, for they are my inspiration to go on and stay strong...

29w5d - It's getting easier and easier...

I am getting ever closer to the 30 week milestone, yay!!! And surprisingly enough I think I am getting the hang of this bed rest stuff. Saturday night my friend Jolie came over and Jason cooked us a wonderful dinner with salad, roasted pork loin, mashed potatoes, corn and home made bread. He's the best husband ever! It was so nice to see Jolie again too. I hadn't seen her in ages and she has been through so much with chemo and radiation that it was nice to have her strength and energey rub off on me some. She is going to come back over tommorrow and bring me a shower chair she had from when she was recovering from surgery. I can't wait to shave my legs! Yes, I know that's a small trivial thing to worry about but it's been a long time since I have been able to shave them!

Last night my parents came over and brought me a Valentine's gift - a super soft cozy blanket with red and pink hearts on it and a pink heart pillow. The blanket and pillow are going in the nursery after I'm off bed rest cuz the colors match it. My mom also knew I had been worrying about the possibilites of blood clots in my legs with my bed rest so she got me some anti-embellism stockings and they feel great! My legs haven't felt this good since before I was pregnant. And it's one less thing for me to worry about now. Last night was the best sleep I have had in ages too and I slept till 10:00 which is so not like me.

And we are still getting snowed on! Thank god today was a bank holiday and Jason got to stay home with me! There has to be like an additional 6 inches on top of what we already had. So much for Jason going to the grocery store for me today. And I had a huge list written out for him too. Oh well, I guess it'll have to wait. He's going to bake me some cookies later because for some reason, I've lost weight. I weigh myself every Monday to record in my baby journal and this week I'm down 5 lbs. I don't know if it's because I ate very little in the hospital (blech, hospital food) or because all the fluids they gave me flushed out some water weight but I feel like I need to fatten up now lol. I've only gained 21 lbs so far and week 30 is just 2 days away. Which is another milestone I can mark off, the 30 week mark!! I still need to schedule my OB appointment for this week but when I called this morning they said their computers were down and I'd have to call back tommorrow. Now I'm worried they won't have an appointment available but I'm sure they will squeeze me in since I'm high-risk and all. I just hope the snow lets up so we can actually go to the appointment.

I've been reading out loud to the baby and it's so great because whenever I do, she starts moving more and kicking more. It's nice to have this time to bond with her before she is born. It's allowing me to appreciate what I'm doing more. And for more inspiration, I framed her 3D Ultrasound picture and it's sitting on my bed side where I can see it always. I'm feeling alot more positive today! Yesterday I was down though and got emotional and weepy for awhile, mostly feeling sorry for myself being sequestered inside, but I'm over it now. Although I'm sure those feelings aren't gone for good and I'll experience them again sometime soon. In my weepiness yesterday I found a cool website for bed rest mamas www.keepemcooking.com and it helped lift my spirits some. And my baby shower is getting close, it's next weekend! I can't wait, but I hope Bri waits haha. I'd like to still be pregnant at my shower. So last night I checked my registries online and saw that people have bought some stuff for us alredy! I feel like that's cheating and Jason yelled at me (jokingly) but it's nice to know others are out there doing stuff for us when I can't be. Well, here's hoping my next post is on my 30 week milestone, Bri's still cooking and I'm still at home and not writing from the hospital again.

29w3d - A Whole New Me

So I just got home from the hospital, again. Went to my OB appointment on Thursday, and she said that my cervix felt different, thinner, and more dilated. So of course she sent me back to the Labor and Delivery ward of the hospital. But this time, I had my Jason with me so I wasn't so scared (and I was smart and packed a bag just in case). Once in the L&D they got me on the monitor again and the baby sounded great but again they picked up some mild irregular contractions. The doctor sent me for an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid and my cervix length. Jason is still a little squemish around stirrups and what not, so he waited in the room. Well let me tell you, he missed out this time! I expressed concern over the excess amniotic fluid indicating fetal abnormalities such as a cleft lip or pallette (my husband was born with a cleft lip) so the tech did a 3D ultrasound! I got to see Bri's sweet little face and it seems so perfect to me! Everyone I have shown this to says she looks like Jason...



This made me feel so much better! Even though they said my cervix was still the same length but had thinned and dilated about a centimeter, I was not scared! Last week I was at my absolute lowest point ever. I cried all the time and felt sorry for myself being on bed rest and missing out on normal pregnancy stuff, and was so scared and frightened about something being wrong with my baby... This week, the doctor answered all my questions and all my fears were irrational and our little Brianne is healthy and beautful and her heartbeat sounds great, what more can I ask for? So they kept me for 2 nights in the hospital and I didn't cry once. I had an epiphany when I saw her face. I'm going to do whatever it takes to stay pregnant with her as long as possible and do my best to enjoy every second of this pregnancy! I'm going to catch up on my reading, and read out loud to her. I can watch all my favorite movies and tv shows and work on my pregnancy scrap book because after all, once she is born, I won't have time for myself so I should enjoy it now while I can.

So Thursday night my mom came and spent the night in the hospital with me which I am thankful for because I sent Jason home that night since he was sick still and needed to go home to take his anti-biotics. Friday was rough though. They decided to do the 3-hour glucose tolerance test since my sugar numbers were a little high last time. They woke me at 7:30 to take my fasting blood sugar reading and so I could start drinking the syrupy sweet stuff and since I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since before midnight (had to fast) it actually didn't taste too bad. My fasting blood sugar was 89, which was good. So the nurse said she'd be back at 9 to take my next reading. Well 9 came and went and around 9:15 she came in and attempted to get blood out of the back of my non-iv hand. She poked me like 10 times and oh my god it hurt so bad! She couldn't get any blood so she left, and another nurse came back at like 9:30 and finally was able to get some out of my hand (which is now all sore and bruised). So they came back at 10:30 and did it all over again, ouch! So at 11:00 my nurse came in and told me I cold go ahead and order my lunch tray because she would be back at 11:30 to do my final blood draw. I tried to order my tray but there was still a block on my order that said "no food by mouth". I waited and tried again at 11:30, same thing. I called my nurse and she said she would remove the block and come do my last reading. Finally, at noon, she showed up to do the blood draw and said she had forgotten to remove the block. Well my final reading was 54 and I was weak and about to pass out and shaking. So my mom left to get me some lunch and the nurse got me some peanut butter crackers and a grape juice. Finally! Some sugar! It took about 30 minutes to start feeling normal again, but my hand and inside of my elbow were sore and bruised! Well, I passed my test, no gestational diabetes for me!!!!!

Jason came up to stay with me last night, as soon as he got off work. My dad had come to pick up my mom and they were there when he got there. Jason and my dad both brought me Valentine's Day presents too! Dad got me this awesome figurine from Hallmark of an angel and a baby which symbolizes mother and daughter. I'm going to put it in the nursery. And Jason got me a teddy bear, balloons and some candy. I felt so loved! Well, the doctor's came in this morning and woke me up and said that they wanted to do another cervical check and if there was no change, I could go home. So my doctor poked me again and yay, no change! I was discharged and released! I am home now, on the couch, and couldn't be happier! I have my kitties, my own bed and all my movies and books. I have to go back to the doctor this week, of course, and she told me to pack a bag again, just in case, because I will be a frequent flyer of the L&D department for a few weeks. But my goal is to rest and with no stressing this week, hopefully nothing will change and I will get to come home after my appointment. And Wednesday marks another milestone, 30 weeks!

Our friend Jolie is coming over tonite and bringing Jason and I dinner so he doesn't have to cook. I haven't seen her in ages and can't wait. Even though I am a mess and haven't showered yet... But she will understand.

29 Weeks!

So I've reached the 29 week milestone today, yay! Every week that I keep the bun in the oven is a reason to celebrate. That being the good news, here's the not so good: the hubby is sick. We are a sad couple right now and I wish more than anything that I could give him medecine and make him chicken soup but alas the bed rest sentence won't allow me to do so. And he's so afraid of getting me sick that he won't let me kiss him. Which leads me to the topic of intimacy. Being on bed rest means no fun in the bed room. This is one of the things that has had me depressed. It's hard to feel sexy when you look at yourself in the mirror and see this new unattractive body and don't want to look at it yourself. How can I expect my husband to look at it and see anything different? I just feel repulsive, and my self esteem has plummeted. Now being on bed rest, not being able to shower and fix my hair and dress everyday, I just feel worse. I just cry about it all the time. I talked to Jason about it, because I was becoming worried that he no longer saw me as an attractive or sexy woman because we hadn't been having our regular intimacy. He said he's still attracted to me, but it's weird for him knowing that our daughter is growing inside of me. Which makes sense, and I understand, but it doesn't help my already injured ego. So now, laying around the house in PJs, hair in a ponytail, no bra, no makeup, and bigger than ever, I feel even worse...

I have long been a hypochondriac and now that I'm spending so much time alone my brain has plenty of time to cook up new ailments and diseases that I surely am dying of. Today, it's bloodclots. I've been doing alot of reading up on bed rest and one of the big concerns is bloodclots in your legs. So I have been doing the little ankle rotation exercises and wiggling my toes and flexing my feet etc. Before I was put on bedrest I was having these horrible leg cramps or charlie horses in my calves and my OB actually sent me for an ultrasound of my legs to make sure there were no clots. Everything turned out fine that time, but now I'm freaked out again. I feel like I can't lay still because I start worrying about my legs. And I have a painful spot in my left thigh which is more than likely a varicose vein, but since I can't see anything on the surface, my brain has convinced me that it's a clot. And on top of that, my legs feel weak and kinda tingly, and I'm still getting charlie horses. I go to my OB tommorrow so of course I have added this to my list of questions, but I hope she doesn't send me for another leg ultrasound because my hospital bills are already out of control (and my insurance only paid $200 of the $600 for the last leg ultrasound and I don't want to have to owe them another $400). So I'm not sure what she can do to assure me that it's not a clot but if she says its fine, then hopefully I won't worry anymore, but that's highly unlikely.

In the past 3-4 days, we have gotten like a foot of snow dumped on us! So now on top of worrying about Bri, and bloodclots, and intimacy, I'm worrying about Jason driving to and from work in the snow. I'm also a worrier, by nature, I actually inherited it from my dad. My worrying doesn't go well with my hypochondriasis either, because what's the first thing I do... Hit the web. I have been prohibited from sites like WebMD by my husband because I'll use the symptom checker and then be convinced that I have some major fatal disease or illness. I am actually kind of proud of myself though because in my 29 weeks of pregnancy, I have only called my OB once, and that time it was about the leg cramps too. I'm trying very hard to not call her now about the same situation. I will see her tommorrow so there's no need to bother her today, right? I'm not going to die of a pulmonary embellism between now and tommorrow morning am I?

So to change the subject, here are some pregnancy facts: I have gained 22.5 lbs as of today which isn't too bad. My breasts are still getting bigger and I am going to have to buy special nursing bras because I'm already a size F or DDD and my milk hasn't come in yet. Brianne is kicking all the time, which is a wonderful thing. I love to feel her move or kick, it's very reassuring and makes me remember that all of this is worth it. Her nursery is done, thank god. I am having my baby shower on February 28th. Jason and I are taking child birth classes on March 20, assuming I am still pregnant at that point. My mom and dad just bought us the stroller/car seat travel system, which is supposed to be my shower gift, but they decided it would be best to get them now in case Bri comes early. My pregnancy ailments include heartburn, leg cramps, mood swings and constant tiredness. No weird cravings anymore, no nausea and no constipation or hemmies thank god. I'm looking forward to my doctor's appointment tommorrow because I will be out of the house! I think I'll even have Jason bring me the blowdryer and straightener so I can fix my hair in bed. For now, I leave you with a picture of the snow on our deck.

28w6d - Home Sweet Home

I have been freed from the hospital! The doctor's let me go home yesterday afternoon and it is so wonderful to be here. It's incredible how much I missed my husband, my kitties and my bed after such a short time away. So I spent 4 and a half days in the hospital, in bed, and as I am still confined to the bed/couch, I thought I'd record and recap my last 4 days. I received 2 shots of steriods while in the hospital which will help the babies lungs fully develope in case she comes early. Those shots were not fun at all. They burned severely! They were concerned about my slightly elevated blood sugar and so were pricking my fingers before and after every meal and every night before bed. It did seem a little high at first, around 140, but went down each time they tested it. My final reading was 78 and that was right before I was discharged. My dad is a diabetic and I truly feel for him, and anyone who has to test their sugar regularly, because my poor finger tips were very sore in the end.



I had wonderful nurses and doctor's the entire time I was there, but it seems like they only came to my room when I was sleeping. During the day, they would come in before and after meals for my blood sugar, once in the afternoon to hook me up to the fetal monitor for an hour, and once with my morning meds. At night though, I feel like they came in every 2 hours! They would start at 9:00 PM with my evening meds (zoloft, pepcid and prometrium suppository). They would be back around 10 or 10:30 to listen to the baby's heartbeat on the monitor once more before bed. Then at midnight for vitals. They had me on a drug to stop and prevent contractions, I think it was called indocin but I'm not sure, and I had to take that every 6 hours so at 2 AM they would come in to give me that pill. Then at 6 am every morning the high risk doctor would come in to talk to me. I was always asleep when she would come in so I rarely managed to get a coherent thought out and I was full of questions for her but could never think of them when she was there. Yesterday morning though, I set the alarm on my cell phone for 5:30 so I could be awake and ready for her and I'm glad I was because after speaking with her, she decided I could go home.



Jason stayed with me Friday night and Saturday night and went home on Sunday afternoon to feed the cats and do laundry etc so he'd be ready for work on Monday. After he left, my best friend Sam and her fiance Alex came by to visit and she brought me goodies! She brought me magazines and a book of puzzles, some hand and face wipes, a nail file and a teddy bear. This is a pic of me with my teddy bear. Before they left my mom came to visit me and she stayed with me till nearly time for bed. Then I had to spend the night alone for the first time. It wasn't so bad, especially since I had nurses checking on me often, but still a little scary.


I decided that I wanted to be awake in the morning when the high risk doctor came in to talk to me. So before I fell asleep on Sunday, I set the alarm on my cell phone for 5:30 am. When she came in, I was awake and waiting for her. She asked me some questions - any fluid leaking, any spotting, any contractions, bleeding, fever or leg pains? No to all of them (even though I'm entirely sure I know what a contraction feels like exactly so I may have had some or I may not). She felt my baby bump and said it felt nice and soft and then she let me ask questions. I complained of feeling heavier, like my belly had suddenly gotten bigger and was pressing down. She said that it was due to me having extra amniotic fluid (seen on my ultrasound) and the fact that I'm carrying a large baby. (Did I mention she's already 3.5 lbs?!?!?) So she said they would get me a belly support band and she would talk to the head doctor and they would be back later.

Around 8:30 they showed up and Dr Worshack said she was letting me leave! She said I am to be on modified bed rest for at least the next 4 weeks and I'm not allowed to go to work or lift anything more than 10 lbs or go grocery shopping or vaccuum etc. But she said I'm okay to take showers or sit at my computer and do some work if I want to but to take it easy. If I feel regular contractions, fever, fluid leakage, etc I am to get my fat pregnant butt back to the hospital stat cuz with my short cervix labor won't take as long as normal (which is actually a good thing, I guess). So I called my husband at work (who was going to come have lunch with me) and told him the good news. He said he was on his way to get me! He showed up an hour later and of course when he walked in I burst into tears (I do that every time he enters or exits a room these days...). So I am home now, on the couch, watching the snow fall, talking to my belly and trying to stay sane. Every ache or pain I get now that I am home scares me and I wonder if it could be a contraction. With Jason at work and us having only one car, I will have to call an ambulance if I do go into labor so that's a little scary. And I'm such a hypochondriac that I hope I don't drive myself, or my doctor or husband, crazy.


I'm trying to make it to the next milestone - 32 weeks. Tommorrow is 29 so that means just 3 more to go. I am going to my OB on Thursday morning for a checkup on whether or not my cervix has changed any and to make sure my bag of waters hasn't ruptured etc. Then I go for another ultrasound on Mar 4. I just hope my little bun stays in the oven as long as possible! I'm supposed to have my baby shower on Feb 28 and we are supposed to take child birth classes on Mar 20 so again, I hope I make it. But I'm taking baby steps and looking forward to the 32 week mark which will be March 3...

How I got landed in bed

Thursday morning I went to my OB for my regular prenatal visit. I got there bright and early, 7:30 AM, so I could get finished quickly and pick up some McDonald's breakfast on the way back to work for my husband and I. (This has become a much anticpated treat for my husband and I with my monthly and now bi-monthly doctor's visits since there is a McDonalds right across the street from her office). Since my OB is also pregnant, and her due date is within a week of mine, she wanted me to meet with some of the other doctors in the office since chances are she won't be able to deliver my baby. So I met with a new doctor on Thursday and was scheduled to do my one hour glucose screening test with her. Before I started my screening she asked if I had any questions or concerns and of course I did. I pulled out my list (yes, I am always prepared with a list of some sort) and proceeded to go over my questions, but I only got to the first one... I told her I noticed some slightly pinkish spots in my undies. I wasn't too worried because this seemed normal from what I had read, but apparently it was cause for concern cuz the next thing I know I'm in a gown in the stirrups.

So after the doctor had a peek at my parts, she asked the nurse to get a Fetal Fibronectin kit because she noticed my cervix was short and soft and she was able to partially stick a finger in it. She did the swab for the Ffn and then put it in a Biohazard bag and gave it to me. She asked me to get dressed, and directed me across the street to the Labor and Delivery Ward of the University Hospital where they would run the lab on the sample and do an ultrasound to check my cervix. On may to the hospital I called my husband, hysterical and crying, and explained what was going on and that I would update him when I knew something. I hated that he wasn't with me and I so scared and alone but too independent to ask him to leave work and come be with me (even though he offered).

After answering dozens of questions about my medical history, I was given a bracelet and shown to a room. They asked me to undress and don the famous gown. The nurse then gave me an IV of fluids to ensure the contractions weren't due to dehydration, and hooked me up to fetal monitoring and monitoring for contractions. Then left me alone. I was alone for about an hour listening to Bri's heartbeat which was soothing to me and I nearly fell asleep. The doctor came in and explained to me that they were seeing some slow shallow contractions on the monitor and she needed to do a pelvic exam. So she too peeked at my parts and poked and prodded and swabbed and scraped then put me in a wheelchair to go get an ultrasound. The ultrasound started normally, I got to see my little Bri again which was heaven, but then she pulled out the wand... The trans-vaginal ultrasound showed my cervix to be only 7 millimeters long which is pretty flippin short and not supposed to happen until like week 38 of pregnancy. It also showed I have extra amniotic fluid and that Bri is large for her gestational age - 3.5 lbs instead of the average 2.4 - 2.75 (no wonder I feel like a beached whale!!!). They said the size of her is good though especially if she were to be born early, and the extra fluid is not normal but isn't really cause for concern (except that it is making my uterus heavier).

Ultrasound done, I get up to get in the wheelchair and notice blood on the table. I see a drop of blood on the floor too and the ultrasound tech gave me some towels, a pad and mesh panties and showed me to the restroom. I was bleeding, quite a bit. Not good!!! She wheeled me back to my room and the nurse came in (a male nurse this time who was nearly 80 years old!!!) and asked me to remove my fancy mesh panties and pad and lay them on the table so they could see how much I was bleeding. That was akward let me tell you! So he hooked me back up to monitoring and left me alone, again, for about an hour. At this point, I snuck out my cell phone and called Jason. He said he was on his way there and I couldn't stop him. I was so relieved I started crying, again. The doctor then came in and explained to me that with my shortened cervix, contractions and bleeding they were going to admit me. She said they would probably keep me at least through the weekend to monitor me for preterm labor and that someone would be coming to move me to a permanent room shortly. Fear set in...

At this point, it's nearly 1:30 and I haven't eaten anything since dinner the night before and the only thing I've had to drink was coffee at 4 am and my IV fluids so I was starving! The nurse came in with the glucose stuff I was originally supposed to drink at my doctor's office and said while we're waiting we may as well go ahead and do my glucose screening. So, with the IV fluids, this orange liquid and the ice chips they brought me, I had to pee like every 5 minutes! And this was no easy feat as I was hooked up to an IV and the monitoring machine. So after an hour they came and drew blood for my glucose test and shortly after 2 nurses moved my bed to the "L&D Special Care ward" to another temporary room. About 2:30, an angel appears at my door, my Jason! I was so relieved he was there I couldn't stop crying.

So finally they cleared me to eat and I ordered food at around 5:00. They came and got me and moved me to my real room and let me eat, thank god! Then my high risk doctor came in for the first time and told me that he was keeping me there at least through the weekend - it's Thursday! I was so exhausted that I just wanted to cry myself to sleep and hopefully when I awoke it would turn out this was all just a horrible nightmare. I made Jason go home around 8:00 because he too was exhausted and hadn't eaten any dinner nor had he packed a bag to stay the night with me so I told him to go home, feed the cats and get some rest. No sooner did he walk out the door then the tears came again, in floods. My mom called at just that moment. She heard how upset and scared I was and said she was on her way. She lives an hour away and I tried to stop her since it was so late but she wouldn't have it. We hung up and I fell asleep, but when I woke up, my mom was there and I felt so much better. We talked awhile and she raided the vending machine for me and we fell asleep watching tv. I just want to add that I could not have survived these past 4 or 5 days without Jason and my mom and my dad and all my friends. I love them all so much.

Bed rest sucks!

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with mine and my husband's first child, a daughter, Brianne Marie, and have now been on bed rest, in the hospital, for 4 days. I'm starting to go crazy already and as the walls were starting to close in on me today, I had an epiphany. I decided to use this free time to my advantage. I decided there's no reason to be depressed or wallow in self pity over this. I am going to start enjoying my pregnancy, even if it isn't the perfect pregnancy I had hoped and planned for, it is still a time I never want to forget. Stressing and crying and worrying are just going to make this more painful for everyone and it can't be good for the baby. So, bed rest or not, hospital room or my own room, preterm delivery or late, I'm going to be the happiest fat girl in the maternity ward tonite... I'm going to document this journey to share with others and my unborn daughter. And so begins the Chronicles of Bri.

My husband Jason and I got married on September 12, 2009, and I was 6 weeks pregnant with Brianne on our wedding day. We were not trying to get pregnant, but we weren't trying not to either. Ironically enough, the first time we threw caution to the wind and "forgot" to use protection was the night Brianne was conceived - August 2nd. It was also the night after my bridal shower. I don't know why, but it just feels like it was meant to be. I knew I was pregnant before I ever even opened that EPT test. I could just feel it (and the fact that my already large chest was expanding exponentially helped some too). So on August 8th I walked to Walgreens on my lunch break and bought a 3-pack of EPT tests. I was so nervous I couldn't wait and decided to go ahead and do the first test at work. I went into the handicapped stall and read the directions, carefully, twice, then proceeded to "take" the test. I was prepared to lay the test strip down on a section of toilet paper I had laid out in preparation, but before I could lay it down, I noticed that pink positive sign in the little window. I grabbed the instructions! It said it took 3 minutes to process, and it had only been like 30 seconds, if that! What was going on? I waited and waited and the little positive sign didn't change! Keep in mind that I was still at work at this point and my husband and I work together, on the same floor, in the same building. I wrapped the test strip up in the toilet paper and ran out to his desk. I know I was glowing and grinning from ear to ear but somehow managed to ask him to take a walk with me. I couldn't even wait till we were outside, the second the elevator doors closed behind us I shouted, "I'm pregnant!" and he smiled, wrapped both arms me and said "I love you".

We were so in shock, that when we got home from work, I decided to take another one of the tests, I mean it was a 3-pack so why not? The exact same thing happened. At this point, I felt sure that it was not a mistake and had to call my parents. You see, I'm 32, and this is my first marriage and my first pregnancy and as an only child, my parents have been waiting (rather impatiently) for their first grandchild so I couldn't make them wait any longer. After breaking the news to them, on speaker phone from our kitchen, we called my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. We didn't want to tell anyone else until I had my doctor confirm, but we couldn't hold it in and I called my best friend to tell her too. I think after sharing our news, we fell asleep holding each other, and when I woke the next morning I was sure it was all just a dream. So, I took the 3rd EPT test out of the package, read the directions again, and took the test again. Same results! I was on the road to mommy-hood and could not have been happier!