29 Weeks!

So I've reached the 29 week milestone today, yay! Every week that I keep the bun in the oven is a reason to celebrate. That being the good news, here's the not so good: the hubby is sick. We are a sad couple right now and I wish more than anything that I could give him medecine and make him chicken soup but alas the bed rest sentence won't allow me to do so. And he's so afraid of getting me sick that he won't let me kiss him. Which leads me to the topic of intimacy. Being on bed rest means no fun in the bed room. This is one of the things that has had me depressed. It's hard to feel sexy when you look at yourself in the mirror and see this new unattractive body and don't want to look at it yourself. How can I expect my husband to look at it and see anything different? I just feel repulsive, and my self esteem has plummeted. Now being on bed rest, not being able to shower and fix my hair and dress everyday, I just feel worse. I just cry about it all the time. I talked to Jason about it, because I was becoming worried that he no longer saw me as an attractive or sexy woman because we hadn't been having our regular intimacy. He said he's still attracted to me, but it's weird for him knowing that our daughter is growing inside of me. Which makes sense, and I understand, but it doesn't help my already injured ego. So now, laying around the house in PJs, hair in a ponytail, no bra, no makeup, and bigger than ever, I feel even worse...

I have long been a hypochondriac and now that I'm spending so much time alone my brain has plenty of time to cook up new ailments and diseases that I surely am dying of. Today, it's bloodclots. I've been doing alot of reading up on bed rest and one of the big concerns is bloodclots in your legs. So I have been doing the little ankle rotation exercises and wiggling my toes and flexing my feet etc. Before I was put on bedrest I was having these horrible leg cramps or charlie horses in my calves and my OB actually sent me for an ultrasound of my legs to make sure there were no clots. Everything turned out fine that time, but now I'm freaked out again. I feel like I can't lay still because I start worrying about my legs. And I have a painful spot in my left thigh which is more than likely a varicose vein, but since I can't see anything on the surface, my brain has convinced me that it's a clot. And on top of that, my legs feel weak and kinda tingly, and I'm still getting charlie horses. I go to my OB tommorrow so of course I have added this to my list of questions, but I hope she doesn't send me for another leg ultrasound because my hospital bills are already out of control (and my insurance only paid $200 of the $600 for the last leg ultrasound and I don't want to have to owe them another $400). So I'm not sure what she can do to assure me that it's not a clot but if she says its fine, then hopefully I won't worry anymore, but that's highly unlikely.

In the past 3-4 days, we have gotten like a foot of snow dumped on us! So now on top of worrying about Bri, and bloodclots, and intimacy, I'm worrying about Jason driving to and from work in the snow. I'm also a worrier, by nature, I actually inherited it from my dad. My worrying doesn't go well with my hypochondriasis either, because what's the first thing I do... Hit the web. I have been prohibited from sites like WebMD by my husband because I'll use the symptom checker and then be convinced that I have some major fatal disease or illness. I am actually kind of proud of myself though because in my 29 weeks of pregnancy, I have only called my OB once, and that time it was about the leg cramps too. I'm trying very hard to not call her now about the same situation. I will see her tommorrow so there's no need to bother her today, right? I'm not going to die of a pulmonary embellism between now and tommorrow morning am I?

So to change the subject, here are some pregnancy facts: I have gained 22.5 lbs as of today which isn't too bad. My breasts are still getting bigger and I am going to have to buy special nursing bras because I'm already a size F or DDD and my milk hasn't come in yet. Brianne is kicking all the time, which is a wonderful thing. I love to feel her move or kick, it's very reassuring and makes me remember that all of this is worth it. Her nursery is done, thank god. I am having my baby shower on February 28th. Jason and I are taking child birth classes on March 20, assuming I am still pregnant at that point. My mom and dad just bought us the stroller/car seat travel system, which is supposed to be my shower gift, but they decided it would be best to get them now in case Bri comes early. My pregnancy ailments include heartburn, leg cramps, mood swings and constant tiredness. No weird cravings anymore, no nausea and no constipation or hemmies thank god. I'm looking forward to my doctor's appointment tommorrow because I will be out of the house! I think I'll even have Jason bring me the blowdryer and straightener so I can fix my hair in bed. For now, I leave you with a picture of the snow on our deck.