When I got to the NICU this morning to see Brianne, I noticed the feeding tube was gone from her nose. Hmmm... The nurse came to talk to me and told me that she ripped her own feeding tube out last night! They had been giving her bottles ever since. They said yesterday she did 75% of her feedings by bottle and that in the last 24 hours she was at 100%. This is excellent news! So we did bottles all day today and as long as she can take in 150 ml a day by mouth there's no need for the feeding tube to be put back in. When I left at 6pm tonight she was up to 112ml for the last 24 hours and still had 2 feedings left to hit 150! I think we'll do it! And the lactation consultants came in to talk to me again and said they heard she would be getting discharged soon and they want to meet with me tomorrow at 10:30 to do one last nursing session and go over discharge stuff!!!! Our little sweet pea may still yet be home for Easter!!!!
And, a less important bit of good news - I can fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans already! Things may be looking up all around!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Break another little peice of my heart...
So it's day 11 after delivery and my baby girl is still in the NICU... Every day is torture without her. No new mother should be expected to have to deal with having a baby and then having to go home without her. I miss her being with me, inside my belly, where I can talk to her and feel her little kicks. She was with me for the last 8 months and now she isn't! If I make it through this with my sanity it will be a miracle. And poor Jason... He has gotten so used to me crying out of the blue that he doesn't even ask what's wrong anymore. He just hugs me and assures me she'll be home soon.
I have been going to spend the days with her while Jason is at work. It's my new "job". I pack my bag with books and my pumping equipment and drop Jase off at work every morning at 7:30 and then it's off to the NICU. I sit with her and hold her and read out loud to her and every 3 hours I attempt to feed her. We have been working on nursing and she's great at it! Latched on right away on our first attempt. The doctor's tell us she has gained weight and is up to 5lbs 8oz which is wonderful and they have increased the amount of breast milk she gets per feeding. However, she won't be able to go home until she can take all of her feeds by mouth. She is now taking a little over half by bottle or breast but each time we have to finish up with the feeding tube. I am determined to get her home soon so we'll have to keep working hard.
So I mentioned in a previous post about our little scare. Well apparently preemies are prone to Apnea (where they forget to breath) and Bradycardia (aka Brady, where their heartrates drop below 100 for 15 seconds or more). These A & Bs usually happen together or cause each other. While I was nursing her on our second attempt, with no assistance this time, she had an episode. The alarms went off on her monitor and I looked at her and saw she was actually turning blue and seemed very non-responsive. I was terrified and kind of rubbed her and shook her (not hard of course) and she snapped out of it. The nurses and doctor's say that this is common in preterm babies and she'll "grow out of it". When??? So I was afraid to hold her or attempt nursing again for the rest of the day. And when I do, I can't take my eyes off her monitors!
The next day I had the lactation consultants come work with me and show me how to best breastfeed using the football hold. This way I could be more in control of her neck and head to assure she has an open airway and can breath. The doctor's came and told me not to worry about the A & B spell and that she will snap out on her own but that when it happens to rub her back or bottom till she does. They say they aren't worried about this and that the only thing keeping her in the NICU is her feeding. So now I am again terrified of what will happen when we do get to bring her home. What if these spells continue? How will I know if she's breathing when she's home with the monitors? How will I sleep or ever be able to walk away from her when I put her down? I am trying to train myself now when I hold her/feed her not to watch the monitors at all because I won't be able to when she's home but it's so difficult!
And it so exhausting to have a baby in the NICU that we are both physically and mentally wore out. I just gave birth and am supposed to be taking it easy, but I haven't since they let me out of the hospital. I was feeling so ill and feverish and concerned about my heavy bleeding Tuesday that I went to see my OB. She said I was showing signs of anemia and yelled at me for not taking time to fill my prescription for my Iron supplement they gave me in the hospital. She also yelled at me for all the walking and stressing and told me I was just overdoing it. She did an internal exam and my stitches were fine, my cervix was fine and my uterus was contracting and returning to normal. No physical abnormalities were causing my extra bleeding, just me not taking it easy. So I filled my prescription and took the next day "off" from the NICU. My mom went and spent the day with her instead but I felt so guilty that I didn't get any rest and several times almost got dressed and drove to the hospital.
It's taking its toll on Jason too. I woke up one morning to pump at 4am and was so out of it, I didn't even notice he wasn't in bed with me. I started a pot of coffee while I was getting my pumping equipment ready and he snuck up on me from the basement. He had been down there all night, unable to sleep, and due at work in 4 hours. He said he couldn't sleep and was going to just stay up till time to go to work. After pumping, I laid back down and he was going to wake me at 5:30. Well, at 6 I woke up and realized I had overslept and the house was silent. I went to the basement and there he was, asleep in his computer chair with a video clip of Bri sleeping playing in a loop on his pc. It was the sweetest image I had ever seen.
Yesterday, the little baby next to Bri was released. When her parents came to get her, we told them congratulations and as soon as they left, I wept. I guess I was jealous that they were getting to take their little one home with them while ours was still there for who knows how long...
I have been going to spend the days with her while Jason is at work. It's my new "job". I pack my bag with books and my pumping equipment and drop Jase off at work every morning at 7:30 and then it's off to the NICU. I sit with her and hold her and read out loud to her and every 3 hours I attempt to feed her. We have been working on nursing and she's great at it! Latched on right away on our first attempt. The doctor's tell us she has gained weight and is up to 5lbs 8oz which is wonderful and they have increased the amount of breast milk she gets per feeding. However, she won't be able to go home until she can take all of her feeds by mouth. She is now taking a little over half by bottle or breast but each time we have to finish up with the feeding tube. I am determined to get her home soon so we'll have to keep working hard.
So I mentioned in a previous post about our little scare. Well apparently preemies are prone to Apnea (where they forget to breath) and Bradycardia (aka Brady, where their heartrates drop below 100 for 15 seconds or more). These A & Bs usually happen together or cause each other. While I was nursing her on our second attempt, with no assistance this time, she had an episode. The alarms went off on her monitor and I looked at her and saw she was actually turning blue and seemed very non-responsive. I was terrified and kind of rubbed her and shook her (not hard of course) and she snapped out of it. The nurses and doctor's say that this is common in preterm babies and she'll "grow out of it". When??? So I was afraid to hold her or attempt nursing again for the rest of the day. And when I do, I can't take my eyes off her monitors!
The next day I had the lactation consultants come work with me and show me how to best breastfeed using the football hold. This way I could be more in control of her neck and head to assure she has an open airway and can breath. The doctor's came and told me not to worry about the A & B spell and that she will snap out on her own but that when it happens to rub her back or bottom till she does. They say they aren't worried about this and that the only thing keeping her in the NICU is her feeding. So now I am again terrified of what will happen when we do get to bring her home. What if these spells continue? How will I know if she's breathing when she's home with the monitors? How will I sleep or ever be able to walk away from her when I put her down? I am trying to train myself now when I hold her/feed her not to watch the monitors at all because I won't be able to when she's home but it's so difficult!
And it so exhausting to have a baby in the NICU that we are both physically and mentally wore out. I just gave birth and am supposed to be taking it easy, but I haven't since they let me out of the hospital. I was feeling so ill and feverish and concerned about my heavy bleeding Tuesday that I went to see my OB. She said I was showing signs of anemia and yelled at me for not taking time to fill my prescription for my Iron supplement they gave me in the hospital. She also yelled at me for all the walking and stressing and told me I was just overdoing it. She did an internal exam and my stitches were fine, my cervix was fine and my uterus was contracting and returning to normal. No physical abnormalities were causing my extra bleeding, just me not taking it easy. So I filled my prescription and took the next day "off" from the NICU. My mom went and spent the day with her instead but I felt so guilty that I didn't get any rest and several times almost got dressed and drove to the hospital.
It's taking its toll on Jason too. I woke up one morning to pump at 4am and was so out of it, I didn't even notice he wasn't in bed with me. I started a pot of coffee while I was getting my pumping equipment ready and he snuck up on me from the basement. He had been down there all night, unable to sleep, and due at work in 4 hours. He said he couldn't sleep and was going to just stay up till time to go to work. After pumping, I laid back down and he was going to wake me at 5:30. Well, at 6 I woke up and realized I had overslept and the house was silent. I went to the basement and there he was, asleep in his computer chair with a video clip of Bri sleeping playing in a loop on his pc. It was the sweetest image I had ever seen.
Yesterday, the little baby next to Bri was released. When her parents came to get her, we told them congratulations and as soon as they left, I wept. I guess I was jealous that they were getting to take their little one home with them while ours was still there for who knows how long...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
The long awaited arrival
So after they took my little girl from me she went to the NICU where they put her on a CPAP (not sure what it stands for but it's a tube in her nose to keep her lungs inflated with room air, not oxygen), an IV antibiotic, and a feeding tube in her little nose where they started giving her sugar water. I was still in the delivery room recovering and getting cleaned up. Let me tell you, there is no modesty or dignity in the labor and delivery department. Since I still couldn't walk due to my numb legs from the epidural, the nurse had to pretty much put me in a wheelchair and take me to the bathroom. There she lifted me onto the toilet and gave me some wet washcloths to clean myself with and then a new gown. She made me sit there till I went pee (they had removed the catheter and wanted to know that my bladder was functioning after the epidural). Let me tell you, it hurt! So then she gave me a pad, that was like the size of a bath towel and some disposable undies and put them on me. Then she wheeled me to my postpartum room.
It was getting late and I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before and I still had to go to the bathroom so I decided I should eat and try again to pee before I went to see Brianne in the NICU. But I still couldn't walk so my nurse brought me a snack (turkey sandwhich, fruit cup and cookies and juice) and then it was time for the dreaded bed pan. Remember me mentioning the no dignity/modesty thing earlier? Well yep, here again, my nurse had to lift me onto the bed pan and take care of all the, well, cleanup after. I was starting to get some use of my left leg back, so I "stood up" on my good leg and pivoted into a wheel chair. Then she escorted me and Jason to see Bri, finally!
When I saw her, I was so overcome with emotion and so filled with love that I just wept. I still do when I think of it. She was absolutely perfect and angelic and I couldn't believe she was ours! I can't believe how much you can love someone. At that moment, the love I felt for her and Jason was so powerful it made my knees weak. We weren't able to hold her just yet though because she was still on the CPAP for her lungs and under a warmer because she was unable to maintain her own body temp. But we touched her and kissed her and just stared at her for at least an hour or so. Then my nurse came for me. She said I needed my rest and took me to my room. I was so exhausted I couldn't hold my head up but I still couldn't sleep. I just wanted the littlest member of our newly formed threesome to be there with us where she belonged. I called the nurse around 3:30 am to help me go to the bathroom again and to give me some pain meds because the epidural was wearing off and all my lady parts were hurting!
In the morning, we ate breakfast and had coffee quickly (ahh caffeine!) and went straight to the NICU. We still had to be escorted though since I was still a patient and they couldn't risking me falling and suing them. Once we got there, we found out the breathing tube was gone yay! And we got to hold her, finally! We took turns holding her "skin-to-skin" to keep her warm and she was so tiny and fragile but it felt so good to have her in my arms. And it was the most amazing sight ever to see Jason holding her, and again I feel like I fell in love with him and Bri all over again. Jason and I even got to try to feed her with a bottle. This was great, and is the thing we are working on most now. She is absolutely healthy, just " young". So we need to learn to maintain our own body temp, learn to keep breathing (I'll get to the scary Apnea story later!!) and learn to suck-swallow-breath so she can take a bottle or nurse (and lose the feeding tube).
We have been told by several doctors that they don't know when she is going to be able to come home. We have been told everything from a week to six weeks! I am hoping that she will be able to come home around the time that she would have been 36weeks old (gestational age) so that's only another week and a half. I need my little girl to be home with me so I can feel whole again! I feel so lonely without her here. She has been with me for the last 8 months and now she isn't here to talk to anymore. I still catch myself rubbing my belly lovingly from time to time only to remember she is no longer in there... I miss her.
It was getting late and I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before and I still had to go to the bathroom so I decided I should eat and try again to pee before I went to see Brianne in the NICU. But I still couldn't walk so my nurse brought me a snack (turkey sandwhich, fruit cup and cookies and juice) and then it was time for the dreaded bed pan. Remember me mentioning the no dignity/modesty thing earlier? Well yep, here again, my nurse had to lift me onto the bed pan and take care of all the, well, cleanup after. I was starting to get some use of my left leg back, so I "stood up" on my good leg and pivoted into a wheel chair. Then she escorted me and Jason to see Bri, finally!
When I saw her, I was so overcome with emotion and so filled with love that I just wept. I still do when I think of it. She was absolutely perfect and angelic and I couldn't believe she was ours! I can't believe how much you can love someone. At that moment, the love I felt for her and Jason was so powerful it made my knees weak. We weren't able to hold her just yet though because she was still on the CPAP for her lungs and under a warmer because she was unable to maintain her own body temp. But we touched her and kissed her and just stared at her for at least an hour or so. Then my nurse came for me. She said I needed my rest and took me to my room. I was so exhausted I couldn't hold my head up but I still couldn't sleep. I just wanted the littlest member of our newly formed threesome to be there with us where she belonged. I called the nurse around 3:30 am to help me go to the bathroom again and to give me some pain meds because the epidural was wearing off and all my lady parts were hurting!
In the morning, we ate breakfast and had coffee quickly (ahh caffeine!) and went straight to the NICU. We still had to be escorted though since I was still a patient and they couldn't risking me falling and suing them. Once we got there, we found out the breathing tube was gone yay! And we got to hold her, finally! We took turns holding her "skin-to-skin" to keep her warm and she was so tiny and fragile but it felt so good to have her in my arms. And it was the most amazing sight ever to see Jason holding her, and again I feel like I fell in love with him and Bri all over again. Jason and I even got to try to feed her with a bottle. This was great, and is the thing we are working on most now. She is absolutely healthy, just " young". So we need to learn to maintain our own body temp, learn to keep breathing (I'll get to the scary Apnea story later!!) and learn to suck-swallow-breath so she can take a bottle or nurse (and lose the feeding tube).
We have been told by several doctors that they don't know when she is going to be able to come home. We have been told everything from a week to six weeks! I am hoping that she will be able to come home around the time that she would have been 36weeks old (gestational age) so that's only another week and a half. I need my little girl to be home with me so I can feel whole again! I feel so lonely without her here. She has been with me for the last 8 months and now she isn't here to talk to anymore. I still catch myself rubbing my belly lovingly from time to time only to remember she is no longer in there... I miss her.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
34w - Happy Birthday Brianne!
Yes, I know, it's been a while since I've posted but having a newborn in the NICU keeps you busy (and exhausted). My sweet little Brianne was born at 7:31 PM last Wednesday March 17th which was St Patrick's Day!. She was 5lbs 1oz and 18.5 inches long. She is absolutely gorgeous and her birth was probably the most amazing and emotional moment of my life (to date). So, let's see... Where do I begin?
The doctor's came and got me for my induction at 6:00 am on Wednesday morning. They wheeled me to the Delivery room and checked my cervix for dilation. I was already at 3cm so they didn't give me the cervadil, just started me on an IV of Pitocin. The wait was on... The nurse came in every 30 minutes and increased the pitocin and it wasn't long before I felt my first real contraction - not so bad, very mild and tolerable... My parents arrived at about 10:00 am and then they too were playing the waiting game with us.
At around 1:30 pm they checked me and I was 4cm dilated so I decided it was time for my epidural. This was what scared me the most about giving birth. The two anestheilogists came in and showed me how to sit and curve my back while my husband held me up. This wasn't good. It hurt. When they stuck the needle in to numb the area, I got weak and light headed and nearly fainted. So they had me lay on my side and put an oxygen mask on me and instructed me to breath deeply. About 10 minutes later I was back to normal but they were afraid to try again with me sitting up so they decided to do it with me laying down. Can we just say OWWWW! I did not like it at all! And to make matters worse, the guy who actually did my epidural was a student! I was frightened! Then came the catheter, which was not pleasant either but I was able to cope. Once it kicked in, I was better and could no longer feel my contractions, or my legs. Jason was in charge of moving them for me since I had no control. But, after a couple hours, I noticed I could feel and move my left leg but not my right one... uh-oh! Something is wrong!
The anestheologists came back in to check me and said it was a gravity issue and that I needed to roll onto my other side. I did and still nothing changed. I continued on with only my right side truly numb until around 5:00 pm. My doctor came in to check me and I was still only 5cm dilated. However, she noticed alot of scar tissue around my cervix from my LEEP procedure and so she proceeded to "break up" the scar tissue with her fingers! This hurt! Epidural? What's that? She also manually broke my bag of waters since they were still only partially ruptured... what a weird feeling! At this point, my parents and my mother-in-law decided it was time to eat. They went down to the cafeteria and we said we would call if anything changed... Something changed!
About an hour later, around 6:30 pm, my pain was unbearable! I was nearly screaming in agony "Something's wrong! Somebody help me! Why isn't anyone helping me" so Jason called for the anestheologists and they came in to find out why I was feeling so much pain. Well as it turns out, it wasn't contractions that I was feeling, but it was the pressure of the baby, she was trying to come out! The doctor came in and checked me and sure enough, I was fully dilated! It was time to start pushing! I went from 5cm to 10cm in about an hour! I told Jason to call my mom and she was there in no time. It was time for the hard part...
There was chaos and commotion all around me. The team of NICU doctors and pediatricians were behind a curtain waiting for Brianne and I had 2 doctors delivering the baby, my mom holding one leg, Jason holding one leg and my hand, two nurses helping to tell me when to push and giving me ice chips and my dad, hiding behind the curtain waiting to see Bri. I pushed for an hour and the entire time I just wanted to give up and keep her in there forever. Everyone kept yelling at me to push but it hurt and I was screaming "I can't do this!!!!" but finally, they saw her head. I reached down and touched her little head and it gave me strength! She had hair! So I pushed with all my might and after 6 or 7 attempts, she was here!!!!!!!! Ah, relief!
I couldn't really see her when they held her up because I had taken my glasses off and I was scared because I didn't hear her crying! They whisked her away to behind the curtain to the NICU doctors and I was crying and Jason was crying and my mom was crying... I did it! Finally, I heard her first little cry and it was all okay! Jason continued to hold my hand but was watching what was going on with Bri assuring me she was okay. Meanwhile, I was being cleaned up and stitched up (only 1) and still crying of course. They brought her around and let me hold her for like 15 seconds before taking her to the NICU. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! Even with her little oxygen hoses in her nose, it was love at first sight! And they took her from me! No bonding, no nursing, no intimate moment of her and me and Jason, they just took her! But I know it was to make sure she was okay but it was the hardest thing ever. I wouldn't see her again until midnight...
Here she is!
And this is her the next morning, no longer on the CPAP, laying on her daddy!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
33w6d - My last day being pregnant?
Tomorrow is the big day! If everything goes well, tomorrow will be Bri's birthday! I'm so excited today that I can barely sit still. I have been up since 7 this morning and have been packing up my stuff so they can move me to a labor and delivery suite tomorrow morning. I had a big breakfast too because I know that they aren't going to let me eat tomorrow so I ordered french toast and bacon with milk and a coffee. Yumm!
They just came and did my final ultrasound which was a Biophysical Profile (not a fetal growth unfortunately cuz we all wanted to see how much she weighs now) but she passed with an 8 out of 8. Her little organs all look great and she had the hiccups so she passed her "breathing" test and movement test. They also did my last NST today and she did perfect on it too. She had 4 heart rate accelerations in half an hour so her heart seems to be in perfect condition! She would not be still though and we had to keep moving the monitor pads. It was like she was trying to kick them off my belly!
Last night Jason came by after work and he said he couldn't wait till Wednesday to give me my gift so he gave it to me last night. It's the best! See, about a year ago he bought me a Pandora bracelet and I decided that since the charms aren't exactly cheap, that I would only buy charms to commemorate special occasions. So after Jason proposed to me he bought me the "true love" charm, for my wedding gift he bought me the wedding cake charm and a clip with a blue rhinestone to be my something blue, when we found I was pregnant he bought me the baby carriage charm, when we found out it was a girl he bought me a pink charm, and to commemorate her birth he bought me the "little girl" charm (pictured below) and I couldn't love it more! He is absolutely the best hubby ever and I don't know what I ever did to deserve him!
So since we know that I won't be able to eat anything tomorrow we ordered a large pizza from LaRosa's for dinner so I could keep the leftovers in my room today. Now I can munch on cold pizza all day! But I guess them starving me tomorrow will be a good head start on my post-baby diet. And I must add that I'm in much better spirits today than I was yesterday. Although I'm still super emotional and cried this morning when I was listening to her heartbeat but it was a happy cry this time. I have several things to take care of today too and keeping busy keeps me happy. And I just keep telling myself that in 24 hours I could have my little one in my arms! So this may be my last full day being pregnant with Bri and it does make me a little sad. I feel like right now she is my constant companion and I'm never truly alone. I will miss that but it'll be worth it when I see her face for the first time.
They just came and did my final ultrasound which was a Biophysical Profile (not a fetal growth unfortunately cuz we all wanted to see how much she weighs now) but she passed with an 8 out of 8. Her little organs all look great and she had the hiccups so she passed her "breathing" test and movement test. They also did my last NST today and she did perfect on it too. She had 4 heart rate accelerations in half an hour so her heart seems to be in perfect condition! She would not be still though and we had to keep moving the monitor pads. It was like she was trying to kick them off my belly!
Last night Jason came by after work and he said he couldn't wait till Wednesday to give me my gift so he gave it to me last night. It's the best! See, about a year ago he bought me a Pandora bracelet and I decided that since the charms aren't exactly cheap, that I would only buy charms to commemorate special occasions. So after Jason proposed to me he bought me the "true love" charm, for my wedding gift he bought me the wedding cake charm and a clip with a blue rhinestone to be my something blue, when we found I was pregnant he bought me the baby carriage charm, when we found out it was a girl he bought me a pink charm, and to commemorate her birth he bought me the "little girl" charm (pictured below) and I couldn't love it more! He is absolutely the best hubby ever and I don't know what I ever did to deserve him!
So since we know that I won't be able to eat anything tomorrow we ordered a large pizza from LaRosa's for dinner so I could keep the leftovers in my room today. Now I can munch on cold pizza all day! But I guess them starving me tomorrow will be a good head start on my post-baby diet. And I must add that I'm in much better spirits today than I was yesterday. Although I'm still super emotional and cried this morning when I was listening to her heartbeat but it was a happy cry this time. I have several things to take care of today too and keeping busy keeps me happy. And I just keep telling myself that in 24 hours I could have my little one in my arms! So this may be my last full day being pregnant with Bri and it does make me a little sad. I feel like right now she is my constant companion and I'm never truly alone. I will miss that but it'll be worth it when I see her face for the first time.
Monday, March 15, 2010
33w5d - Going stir crazy
I am absolutely going crazy in this hospital room today. I have been trying to stay busy with my laptop and books and I showered and put makeup on (just trying to feel normal) and took my little afternoon walk up and down the hallway but this room feels like a prison cell to me today. And my nurse has once again forgotten about me! I just want some clean bed clothes is that too much to ask? I am going to have take another walk to the nurse's station I guess (and then by the vending machine for some chocolate). And the air in this hospital is so dry I feel like my skin is going to peel off! I can't get enough lotion today!
My friend Jolie was supposed to come visit me today but she has to work late so she isn't coming until tomorrow. Jason had to work today so he will be here later to have dinner with me but then he's got to go home and finish getting stuff ready for when Bri comes. See, even though I will be delivering early and we are prepared for the worst (a long stay in the NICU) we are still planning for the best (she gets to come home with me after a couple days).
Last night my mom and aunt came to visit me and they brought me good food! They brought me a fish sandwich and onion rings and a strawberry pie-baby from Frisch's! Mom also brought me baby goodies! An adorable little outfit, some bottles and drop-in liners and a pack of bibs (one says "Teething Bites" and it's my fave. You can kind of see it in the picture below). After they left, I took another short walk and then tried to get sleepy but it's difficult when there are so many thoughts going through your head. I had planned on asking for an Ambien for Tuesday night (the night before labor starts) but I may ask for one tonite too. Once I got to sleep though I slept okay, but it's so hard to get comfortable in this hospital bed (especially since it's always wet from my leaking). I actually had to ask my nurse for some Desitin today because I am getting a rash on my bum...
I am such an emotional basket case today too that I had a crying fit that lasted for a good hour I think. I have never felt so many different emotions at the same time. I've been reading up on what to expect when they induce me on Wednesday. I just wish there was a plan. My doctor's came in and talked to me this morning and said that they will be taking me for my final ultrasound tomorrow morning. And then Wednesday morning first thing they are coming to get me and move me to labor and delivery. They are going to give me some gel stuff to try and soften/dilate my cervix, and then if necessary start me on Pitocin to progress me further along. I'm terrified! But so excited!! The best day of my life is less than 48 hours away!!!!
When I get out of this hospital, I need a haircut, color and a pedicure desperately! I feel like I haven't worn real clothes or fixed my hair or looked pretty in weeks. I'm going to go for a whole day of pampering! My mom is going to fix my hair for me Wednesday morning so that I will look decent when I meet my daughter for the first time (and for all the pictures that will surely be taken). Oh, did I mention that my belly button finally popped out! I think it's a sign! It's telling me that the bun is done cooking! If I ever get some real clothes on again I'll have someone take a picture of me...
My friend Jolie was supposed to come visit me today but she has to work late so she isn't coming until tomorrow. Jason had to work today so he will be here later to have dinner with me but then he's got to go home and finish getting stuff ready for when Bri comes. See, even though I will be delivering early and we are prepared for the worst (a long stay in the NICU) we are still planning for the best (she gets to come home with me after a couple days).
Last night my mom and aunt came to visit me and they brought me good food! They brought me a fish sandwich and onion rings and a strawberry pie-baby from Frisch's! Mom also brought me baby goodies! An adorable little outfit, some bottles and drop-in liners and a pack of bibs (one says "Teething Bites" and it's my fave. You can kind of see it in the picture below). After they left, I took another short walk and then tried to get sleepy but it's difficult when there are so many thoughts going through your head. I had planned on asking for an Ambien for Tuesday night (the night before labor starts) but I may ask for one tonite too. Once I got to sleep though I slept okay, but it's so hard to get comfortable in this hospital bed (especially since it's always wet from my leaking). I actually had to ask my nurse for some Desitin today because I am getting a rash on my bum...
I am such an emotional basket case today too that I had a crying fit that lasted for a good hour I think. I have never felt so many different emotions at the same time. I've been reading up on what to expect when they induce me on Wednesday. I just wish there was a plan. My doctor's came in and talked to me this morning and said that they will be taking me for my final ultrasound tomorrow morning. And then Wednesday morning first thing they are coming to get me and move me to labor and delivery. They are going to give me some gel stuff to try and soften/dilate my cervix, and then if necessary start me on Pitocin to progress me further along. I'm terrified! But so excited!! The best day of my life is less than 48 hours away!!!!
When I get out of this hospital, I need a haircut, color and a pedicure desperately! I feel like I haven't worn real clothes or fixed my hair or looked pretty in weeks. I'm going to go for a whole day of pampering! My mom is going to fix my hair for me Wednesday morning so that I will look decent when I meet my daughter for the first time (and for all the pictures that will surely be taken). Oh, did I mention that my belly button finally popped out! I think it's a sign! It's telling me that the bun is done cooking! If I ever get some real clothes on again I'll have someone take a picture of me...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
33w4d- The last days of pregnancy...
You would think that since I have had a high risk pregnancy and been on bed rest for the last almost 6 weeks that I would be happy to see the end of this pregnancy. I thought I would be too. But now that the end is only 3 days away, I can't help but be sad. I am going to miss all the good parts of being pregnant: feeling Bri moving around in my belly with those little kicks and punches, trying to identify what body part is pushing my belly into those weird shapes, hearing her heartbeat on the monitor and seeing her on the ultrasound and just the idea of being pregnant have been the best. However, I wish that I could have enjoyed these last few weeks in the way that a "normal" pregnant woman would have. It would have been so nice to be able to go shopping for baby stuff and to wear the cute maternity clothes I bought and only wore a few times. I wish I could have finished the nursery and enjoyed my baby showers and gone to the child birth classes we registered for...
Jason spent last night and this morning with me. Before he left we had lunch and took a walk. I had to make him leave me though because I know he needs to go home and do laundry and take care of things before going back to work tomorrow. And I'm sure my two furry babies at home would like some food and some company too. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have him stay here with me every day and night but I want him to be rested and to keep some normalcy in his life before the baby comes. I have asked so much of him lately and he's been taking such wonderful care of me and doing all the house work, paying all the bills, etc. so I feel like giving him some alone time is just a little way to thank him. But every time he leaves me, I still cry...
But I have a little excitement still ahead of me this evening though. First, my mom and aunt are coming to visit me for a little while. Then at 6:00 the NCAA Selection Show is on!!!! I love March Madness!!! I look forward to this all year long! I have my blank bracket to fill out and Jason is going to bring me a USA Today tomorrow with all the March Madness stuff in it! I was actually looking forward to being on bed rest through the first 2 rounds of the tournament so that I could watch all the games, but it looks like I'll miss them again since I will be in labor. That's alright though, I'm more excited about labor and delivery than basketball...
Well I have a busy schedule ahead of me haha. I need to squeeze in a shower before my visitors arrive and have someone change out my bed clothes for me. So I will write more later and hopefully I will have some pics to post by then.
Jason spent last night and this morning with me. Before he left we had lunch and took a walk. I had to make him leave me though because I know he needs to go home and do laundry and take care of things before going back to work tomorrow. And I'm sure my two furry babies at home would like some food and some company too. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have him stay here with me every day and night but I want him to be rested and to keep some normalcy in his life before the baby comes. I have asked so much of him lately and he's been taking such wonderful care of me and doing all the house work, paying all the bills, etc. so I feel like giving him some alone time is just a little way to thank him. But every time he leaves me, I still cry...
But I have a little excitement still ahead of me this evening though. First, my mom and aunt are coming to visit me for a little while. Then at 6:00 the NCAA Selection Show is on!!!! I love March Madness!!! I look forward to this all year long! I have my blank bracket to fill out and Jason is going to bring me a USA Today tomorrow with all the March Madness stuff in it! I was actually looking forward to being on bed rest through the first 2 rounds of the tournament so that I could watch all the games, but it looks like I'll miss them again since I will be in labor. That's alright though, I'm more excited about labor and delivery than basketball...
Well I have a busy schedule ahead of me haha. I need to squeeze in a shower before my visitors arrive and have someone change out my bed clothes for me. So I will write more later and hopefully I will have some pics to post by then.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
33w3d - The leaky cauldron...
Day 4 in the hospital and I'm starting to get antsy and irritated. I am so anxious and excited about my induction, but I feel like I need to have a plan. I'm a planner and need to know how and when things will happen. I know that I am going to be induced Wednesday, but don't know what time or what the process will be and I need to know these things! My doctor poked her head in my room this morning but of course I was in the ladies room at the time so she said she would come back but she hasn't yet and it's killing me! Yesterday I asked the high risk doctor if she knew what time they would start and she said it's dependant upon what is going on in L&D but that they would probably move me over there first thing in the morning...
And I'm totally irritated over the fact that I haven't seen my nurse all morning and I need things and have questions and was supposed to have my NST done at 10 and it's now 11:30... Why is it that at night when I'm trying to sleep I get woken up every hour by a nurse or PCA checking on me or getting my vitals etc but during the day they just leave me hanging grrr!
My nurse finally came in and did my NST and Bri is doing great, as always! I was having some concerns about how my leaking has slowed down today and was worried that maybe that meant I had no more fluid to leak but my nurse assured me that my fluid levels are great. Yes, even though I'm constantly leaking my fluid levels are still in the normal range. I must have had a ton of fluid in there then cuz I sprung this leak on Tuesday and it's Saturday!
I got to take a little walk yesterday which was nice, but there really isn't any place to go. So I walked to the little waiting room and got a soda out of the vending machine then walked to the nurse's station and back again. I realize that may not be exciting to most people but when you're cramped up in a hospital room all day any change of scenery is good. And the fact that I'm allowed to take that walk now is great! No more bed rest because they actually want my cervix to shorten and dilate now, woohoo! And as long as my fluid levels are still in the normal, I'm free to roam about the floor : )
Last night my mom stayed with me and we had a little hospital room party. My husband brought us dinner from my favorite mexican restaurant, yumm! Then after he left, mom and I played cards and made microwave popcorn and watched movies. We worked out a little schedule of who will be staying with me and coming to "babysit" me while I'm here. Today my BFF is coming over and then Jason is staying with me tonite. Tomorrow night I'll be alone, but Monday my friend Jolie is coming to visit and Jason's aunt Wendy is coming to visit and my mom is spending the night with me. Then Tuesday Jason is staying the night because that is the night before induction and I know I'll be a nervous wreck and will need him here through that.
Woohoo, Bri will be here in 4 days!!!!
And I'm totally irritated over the fact that I haven't seen my nurse all morning and I need things and have questions and was supposed to have my NST done at 10 and it's now 11:30... Why is it that at night when I'm trying to sleep I get woken up every hour by a nurse or PCA checking on me or getting my vitals etc but during the day they just leave me hanging grrr!
My nurse finally came in and did my NST and Bri is doing great, as always! I was having some concerns about how my leaking has slowed down today and was worried that maybe that meant I had no more fluid to leak but my nurse assured me that my fluid levels are great. Yes, even though I'm constantly leaking my fluid levels are still in the normal range. I must have had a ton of fluid in there then cuz I sprung this leak on Tuesday and it's Saturday!
I got to take a little walk yesterday which was nice, but there really isn't any place to go. So I walked to the little waiting room and got a soda out of the vending machine then walked to the nurse's station and back again. I realize that may not be exciting to most people but when you're cramped up in a hospital room all day any change of scenery is good. And the fact that I'm allowed to take that walk now is great! No more bed rest because they actually want my cervix to shorten and dilate now, woohoo! And as long as my fluid levels are still in the normal, I'm free to roam about the floor : )
Last night my mom stayed with me and we had a little hospital room party. My husband brought us dinner from my favorite mexican restaurant, yumm! Then after he left, mom and I played cards and made microwave popcorn and watched movies. We worked out a little schedule of who will be staying with me and coming to "babysit" me while I'm here. Today my BFF is coming over and then Jason is staying with me tonite. Tomorrow night I'll be alone, but Monday my friend Jolie is coming to visit and Jason's aunt Wendy is coming to visit and my mom is spending the night with me. Then Tuesday Jason is staying the night because that is the night before induction and I know I'll be a nervous wreck and will need him here through that.
Woohoo, Bri will be here in 4 days!!!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
33w2d - A St Patrick's Day Birth!
Well, I am still here in the hospital but things are looking good. My mom came and spent the day with me yesterday and is coming back this afternoon. My husband brought me some chinese food and spent the night with me last night. He even braved my leaking and got in my teeny tiny hospital bed with me this morning and cuddled with me for a few hours which was so nice.
Updates... My team of doctors (my OB, my High Risk OB and the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor) came in this morning and talked to me about the test results from yesterday. Little Bri's lungs are not quite ready to breathe oxygen yet, but they are super close. So, the plan is unless she decides to make her debut early (which is doubtful), they will be inducing me on Wednesday the 17th! That means we will be having a St Patty's Day baby! We need to get her a green outfit for her first pictures! We don't have a set time yet but I'm hoping it's early enough in the morning that she will be born before midnight.
After talking to the docs, they came and got me for another ultrasound. Bri is head down and ready to go. The interesting thing is that even though I have a steady leak, she still has enough fluid to swim in. They said my fluid levels were 22 which is in the normal range. Guess it's a good thing I've been drinking my 8 glasses a day. The u/s tech said Bri is right around 5 lbs now and she is practicing her breathing and her heart and other organs look great. Her heart rate is perfect and we passed the NST test within the first 5 minutes of being hooked up. And she's still moving around like crazy! She was trying to put her little foot in her mouth again during the u/s...
So folks, I will officially be a mother in 5 days! I don't know why but it just feels so surreal now! I'm so excited yet at the same I am terrified! Terrified of our little girl having to spend time in the NICU. Of not being able to bond with her right away or start nursing right away. Of seeing her hooked up to tubes and monitors. And yes, I'm also terrified of when she gets to come home! Premies seem so much more fragile and breakable than regular newborns and we are going to have one!
Oh, and do you want to know how small a world it is that we live in? A friend from high school just happens to be a nurse here in the postpartum ward! She stopped by my room last night to say hello and check on me. She saw my post on facebook that I was here. So I just wanted to say thanks Karla for being so kind and caring and for visiting me last night! It's nice to get company and to see friendly faces while I'm here.
Holy crap we are going to be parents in less than a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Updates... My team of doctors (my OB, my High Risk OB and the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor) came in this morning and talked to me about the test results from yesterday. Little Bri's lungs are not quite ready to breathe oxygen yet, but they are super close. So, the plan is unless she decides to make her debut early (which is doubtful), they will be inducing me on Wednesday the 17th! That means we will be having a St Patty's Day baby! We need to get her a green outfit for her first pictures! We don't have a set time yet but I'm hoping it's early enough in the morning that she will be born before midnight.
After talking to the docs, they came and got me for another ultrasound. Bri is head down and ready to go. The interesting thing is that even though I have a steady leak, she still has enough fluid to swim in. They said my fluid levels were 22 which is in the normal range. Guess it's a good thing I've been drinking my 8 glasses a day. The u/s tech said Bri is right around 5 lbs now and she is practicing her breathing and her heart and other organs look great. Her heart rate is perfect and we passed the NST test within the first 5 minutes of being hooked up. And she's still moving around like crazy! She was trying to put her little foot in her mouth again during the u/s...
So folks, I will officially be a mother in 5 days! I don't know why but it just feels so surreal now! I'm so excited yet at the same I am terrified! Terrified of our little girl having to spend time in the NICU. Of not being able to bond with her right away or start nursing right away. Of seeing her hooked up to tubes and monitors. And yes, I'm also terrified of when she gets to come home! Premies seem so much more fragile and breakable than regular newborns and we are going to have one!
Oh, and do you want to know how small a world it is that we live in? A friend from high school just happens to be a nurse here in the postpartum ward! She stopped by my room last night to say hello and check on me. She saw my post on facebook that I was here. So I just wanted to say thanks Karla for being so kind and caring and for visiting me last night! It's nice to get company and to see friendly faces while I'm here.
Holy crap we are going to be parents in less than a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
33w1d - The countdown to labor has begun...
So I am back in the hospital but this time when we leave, there will be 3 of us!!! Yes that's right, Bri will be here anytime now... I know what you're saying, "But Tonja you're only 33 weeks pregnant" which is of course right. So how am I in labor and delivery now?
Tuesday evening I noticed some fluid leaking and just assumed, as has been the case in the past, that Bri was bouncing on my bladder and causing a little urine to leak. But it continued, and continued to the point that I was becoming concerned. My husband and I discussed our options and since my OB office was already closed, we decided to sleep on it and go to the hospital in the morning. I didn't sleep at all! I laid down and tried to sleep but with the constant trickle of fluid leaking out of me, even when laying down, I was too worried and annoyed. I went to lay on the couch around 3am and watched a movie just waiting for 6am to roll around so I could wake my husband and get ready to go to the hospital.
We made it to the hospital at about 7:45 am and I was admitted immediately. The doctor's came in and did a fern test to determine if I was leaking amniotic fluid and sure enough, my water had broken. Not completely broken, just ruptured enough so that there is a steady constant flow of fluid. They did an ultrasound and checked the baby and she of course was excellent and thank god, head down. They said she's about 5lbs right now and that's great for 33 weeks. They had already given me the steroid shots for her lungs during my first stay here, but they gave me a "rescue shot" of steroids, just in case, and started me on 3 different antibiotics to try and prevent infection from getting to Bri since the membranes are ruptured. The Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor came in and explained to me at this point, the risk of infection to the baby is greater than the risk of early delivery. So, if I don't go into labor soon, they will be inducing me next Wednesday which is the 34 week milestone!
I was having some pretty regular contractions last night, not too painful and they were still about 25 minutes apart. But they stopped. They checked and I had not dilated any and my cervix was showing closed, ironic since I've been on bed rest for 5 weeks with a short, weak, dilated cervix. When they determined that I was not going to go into active labor around 7 PM (which usually happens 24 hours after the water breaks) they moved me to a more comfy room and let me have some food, finally! Jason ran out and got me a Big Mac meal from McDonald's so I wouldn't have to eat cafeteria food and it was the best meal ever!!!! My parents came down too thinking I might go into labor, they obviously wanted to be here. But no baby last night...
The NICU doctor came in and talked to us last night too about what to expect when having a premature baby and even though this hospital has a level 3 NICU and it's one of the best in the Midwest, it's still worrisome. They said we will get to see her and hold her, but then it's off to the NICU with her. She will be there until they determine she can breathe on her own and that she is able to feed well enough and that there are no complications such as jaundice or some worse things that I don't want to think about again. They said she could spend as little as a couple days there to as many a few weeks. I'm hoping for only a couple days obviously! But I will be here with here until they let us take her home! So once we knew she wouldn't be making an appearance, I sent Jason home to feed the kitties and get some rest. He went, reluctantly...
This morning I had a knock on the door and guess who it was?!?!? It was Jason, the best husband in the world! He brought me breakfast and coffee, a cooler full of diet 7-ups, a snack bag, my laptop, and a bag filled with movies, magazines and books! He and I ate breakfast together and then the doctor came in. She said they are going to do a test after breakfast to see if Bri's lungs are mature enough now to go ahead and induce! So she told me to lay flat after I eat to let the fluid pool so she could collect some. Jason went ahead and left after I promised to call him once we had the test results. My Dr came back in around 10:30 and was able to collect a small amount of fluid, but she wasn't sure if it was enough or not. She sent it off and now we are waiting on the results...
I am convinced that the results will show her lungs are mature and she will be ready to be born today. I just have a feeling that she is ready to join the world and meet her mommy and daddy finally. She's been trying to get out now for the last 5 weeks and I don't think she wants to wait anymore. Besides, if we have her before midnight tonight, she and her only cousin Tara will share a birthday! But either way, Brianne will be here within the next 5-6 days!!!!!! We are so excited! Will update with more info as I get it...
Tuesday evening I noticed some fluid leaking and just assumed, as has been the case in the past, that Bri was bouncing on my bladder and causing a little urine to leak. But it continued, and continued to the point that I was becoming concerned. My husband and I discussed our options and since my OB office was already closed, we decided to sleep on it and go to the hospital in the morning. I didn't sleep at all! I laid down and tried to sleep but with the constant trickle of fluid leaking out of me, even when laying down, I was too worried and annoyed. I went to lay on the couch around 3am and watched a movie just waiting for 6am to roll around so I could wake my husband and get ready to go to the hospital.
We made it to the hospital at about 7:45 am and I was admitted immediately. The doctor's came in and did a fern test to determine if I was leaking amniotic fluid and sure enough, my water had broken. Not completely broken, just ruptured enough so that there is a steady constant flow of fluid. They did an ultrasound and checked the baby and she of course was excellent and thank god, head down. They said she's about 5lbs right now and that's great for 33 weeks. They had already given me the steroid shots for her lungs during my first stay here, but they gave me a "rescue shot" of steroids, just in case, and started me on 3 different antibiotics to try and prevent infection from getting to Bri since the membranes are ruptured. The Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor came in and explained to me at this point, the risk of infection to the baby is greater than the risk of early delivery. So, if I don't go into labor soon, they will be inducing me next Wednesday which is the 34 week milestone!
I was having some pretty regular contractions last night, not too painful and they were still about 25 minutes apart. But they stopped. They checked and I had not dilated any and my cervix was showing closed, ironic since I've been on bed rest for 5 weeks with a short, weak, dilated cervix. When they determined that I was not going to go into active labor around 7 PM (which usually happens 24 hours after the water breaks) they moved me to a more comfy room and let me have some food, finally! Jason ran out and got me a Big Mac meal from McDonald's so I wouldn't have to eat cafeteria food and it was the best meal ever!!!! My parents came down too thinking I might go into labor, they obviously wanted to be here. But no baby last night...
The NICU doctor came in and talked to us last night too about what to expect when having a premature baby and even though this hospital has a level 3 NICU and it's one of the best in the Midwest, it's still worrisome. They said we will get to see her and hold her, but then it's off to the NICU with her. She will be there until they determine she can breathe on her own and that she is able to feed well enough and that there are no complications such as jaundice or some worse things that I don't want to think about again. They said she could spend as little as a couple days there to as many a few weeks. I'm hoping for only a couple days obviously! But I will be here with here until they let us take her home! So once we knew she wouldn't be making an appearance, I sent Jason home to feed the kitties and get some rest. He went, reluctantly...
This morning I had a knock on the door and guess who it was?!?!? It was Jason, the best husband in the world! He brought me breakfast and coffee, a cooler full of diet 7-ups, a snack bag, my laptop, and a bag filled with movies, magazines and books! He and I ate breakfast together and then the doctor came in. She said they are going to do a test after breakfast to see if Bri's lungs are mature enough now to go ahead and induce! So she told me to lay flat after I eat to let the fluid pool so she could collect some. Jason went ahead and left after I promised to call him once we had the test results. My Dr came back in around 10:30 and was able to collect a small amount of fluid, but she wasn't sure if it was enough or not. She sent it off and now we are waiting on the results...
I am convinced that the results will show her lungs are mature and she will be ready to be born today. I just have a feeling that she is ready to join the world and meet her mommy and daddy finally. She's been trying to get out now for the last 5 weeks and I don't think she wants to wait anymore. Besides, if we have her before midnight tonight, she and her only cousin Tara will share a birthday! But either way, Brianne will be here within the next 5-6 days!!!!!! We are so excited! Will update with more info as I get it...
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
32w6d - Minor Annoyances
It's yet another beautiful day here and again I wish I were outside enjoying it. I did go out and sit on the patio for a few minutes before feeling guilty about being upright and coming back in. I woke up hopeful because yesterday my mom said she would come over today to keep me company, so after breakfast I took a quick shower and put on clean pj's. When I came back downstairs, I had a text message saying she and my dad are getting their taxes done today and she would try to come tomorrow. I know she is busy on her off-work days and I know she probably doesn't realize how something little like her saying she would come visit could be such a big deal to me but it was. When you're on bed rest, it's the little things that you look forward to. Anything that offers a break in the normal routine of just laying on the couch alone that can brighten one's day. So I'm a little disappointed now that it's just going to be another boring day...
Today's Tuesday, pay day! I have a few bills to pay and I had planned on doing a little online shopping today (I really need to buy some nursing bras) so first thing this morning I checked my checking account online only to find that instead of getting paid what I should have, I only got paid about 1/4 of it! So since I'm on short term disability for being on bed rest, I contacted my HR contact and my STD case worker. My HR contact said that the last thing they received from my STD case worker was that I was only approved until 2/25 and that my claim was pending documents from my doctor. I knew my STD case worker was waiting for documents and I have called my OB several times, but I was told that he needed the docs by the 10th or my claim would be closed. Uh, hello, tomorrow is the 10th so what's the problem?? Turns out, while my claim was "pending" I was not eligible to be paid! WTF??? Why wasn't I told this in advance? So now I don't when, or if, I will be receiving the rest of my weekly pay or not and that makes it very difficult to pay our mortgage, car payment etc. I feel like keeping up with my STD case is a freaking full time job as I talk to them almost daily about one problem or another. I just hope it's not as time consuming once Bri is here because god only knows how busy I'll be with a newborn let alone trying to keep up with my STD claim, arg!
And to make matters worse, my husband and I overslept this morning so he ended up getting to work late. That means he won't be home until late and that makes me sad. I always get so happy every day around 4:30 because I know he'll be walking in the door in few minutes, but not today. I probably won't see him tonite until like 6 or 6:30 which means I will be home alone for longer. Yet another annoyance in a day filled with them.
And did I mention I'm craving cake??? My mom was supposed to be bringing me cake today too and now guess what... no cake for me today!
But on a good note, tomorrow is my 33 week milestone yay! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me (and someone will bring me some cake!).
Today's Tuesday, pay day! I have a few bills to pay and I had planned on doing a little online shopping today (I really need to buy some nursing bras) so first thing this morning I checked my checking account online only to find that instead of getting paid what I should have, I only got paid about 1/4 of it! So since I'm on short term disability for being on bed rest, I contacted my HR contact and my STD case worker. My HR contact said that the last thing they received from my STD case worker was that I was only approved until 2/25 and that my claim was pending documents from my doctor. I knew my STD case worker was waiting for documents and I have called my OB several times, but I was told that he needed the docs by the 10th or my claim would be closed. Uh, hello, tomorrow is the 10th so what's the problem?? Turns out, while my claim was "pending" I was not eligible to be paid! WTF??? Why wasn't I told this in advance? So now I don't when, or if, I will be receiving the rest of my weekly pay or not and that makes it very difficult to pay our mortgage, car payment etc. I feel like keeping up with my STD case is a freaking full time job as I talk to them almost daily about one problem or another. I just hope it's not as time consuming once Bri is here because god only knows how busy I'll be with a newborn let alone trying to keep up with my STD claim, arg!
And to make matters worse, my husband and I overslept this morning so he ended up getting to work late. That means he won't be home until late and that makes me sad. I always get so happy every day around 4:30 because I know he'll be walking in the door in few minutes, but not today. I probably won't see him tonite until like 6 or 6:30 which means I will be home alone for longer. Yet another annoyance in a day filled with them.
And did I mention I'm craving cake??? My mom was supposed to be bringing me cake today too and now guess what... no cake for me today!
But on a good note, tomorrow is my 33 week milestone yay! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me (and someone will bring me some cake!).
Monday, March 8, 2010
32w5d - Random Updates
So I posted yesterday that Jason's aunt is doing one of the canvas tiles for the nursery right? Well she's already finished it and it looks gorgeous! I can't wait to get the rest of the letters finished and hang them up! The tile she did is pictured below, isn't the butterfly adorable?!?!
I have been complaining lately that I can't bend over and how I really needed to cut my toenails. Well last night, my husband surprised me with the clippers and he cut them for me! He even filed them afterwards! Now that's love right there! He is so good to me and has been taking such wonderful care of me and everything around the house. What would I have done these last 4 and half weeks without him??
Last week Jason had a crazy idea and when he told me about it, he planted a seed. His grandparents passed away last year and the family is selling everything to split. Jason mentioned how nice it would be if bought their house. We currently own a townhouse condo that is big enough for our small family but still small. If we could buy their house we would be increasing in size and it has a fenced in back yard with an in ground swimming pool, 2 car garage, 2 full bathrooms and 4 bed rooms. We only have 3 bedrooms now and a deck out back but no garage or yard. Plus we would be keeping the house in the family and it's large enough that we could have family gatherings for holidays and such. So, assuming we could sell our place, we really want to buy this place. But again, if our place doesn't sell in time we would be stuck with 2 mortgages and a new baby and that would not be feasible for us. So now we are brainstorming on how we can make this happen. And did I mention we would be soooooo much closer to my parents and Jason's family which means my mom and dad would be able to watch Bri and we could cut back on the cost of day care. So, everyone cross your fingers for us and hope that this works out for us!
It's such a nice day today!!! I snuck out back and sat on the patio for a few minutes today. I couldn't resist the sunshine!
I have been complaining lately that I can't bend over and how I really needed to cut my toenails. Well last night, my husband surprised me with the clippers and he cut them for me! He even filed them afterwards! Now that's love right there! He is so good to me and has been taking such wonderful care of me and everything around the house. What would I have done these last 4 and half weeks without him??
Last week Jason had a crazy idea and when he told me about it, he planted a seed. His grandparents passed away last year and the family is selling everything to split. Jason mentioned how nice it would be if bought their house. We currently own a townhouse condo that is big enough for our small family but still small. If we could buy their house we would be increasing in size and it has a fenced in back yard with an in ground swimming pool, 2 car garage, 2 full bathrooms and 4 bed rooms. We only have 3 bedrooms now and a deck out back but no garage or yard. Plus we would be keeping the house in the family and it's large enough that we could have family gatherings for holidays and such. So, assuming we could sell our place, we really want to buy this place. But again, if our place doesn't sell in time we would be stuck with 2 mortgages and a new baby and that would not be feasible for us. So now we are brainstorming on how we can make this happen. And did I mention we would be soooooo much closer to my parents and Jason's family which means my mom and dad would be able to watch Bri and we could cut back on the cost of day care. So, everyone cross your fingers for us and hope that this works out for us!
It's such a nice day today!!! I snuck out back and sat on the patio for a few minutes today. I couldn't resist the sunshine!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
32w4d - I cheated Yesterday...
Yes that's right, I cheated yesterday. My husband "snuck" me out of the house for a few hours and it was wonderful! I was still good though. He drove me to his aunt and uncle's house where I sat in their big cozy recliner and we just hung out and had dinner. And it was such a gorgeous day with the sun shining and the snow melting... I even had a few sips of wine with my dinner. I'm so glad I was able to get out and do something though, even if it was only sitting at someone else's house.
And I had a good excuse to cheat too. We are doing an art project for Bri's room and I needed to take the supplies to Lynne. See, I bought these 8x10 canvases and painted each one the same color as the walls (pale pink), and then on each of the canvases, we are going to put one letter of Brianne's name. But we are letting a friend or family member each do one letter. I did the 'A', Jason is doing the 'I', my mom and dad are each doing a letter, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are each doing a letter, Jason's aunt Lynne is doing a letter and my BFF Sam is doing a letter. Yes I realize that is 8 people for a name with only 7 letters but we are doing our last initial too (which is also Bri's first initial) to hang on another wall. Oh, and Lynne is doing 2 masks with butterfly designs for the nursery too. She is so artistic and talented! She is making the masks out of gourds and we can hang them over the little tap lights and use them as night lights! When she finishes them I will post pics because it's just too hard to explain them in words.
Since it's Sunday, Jason is making a pork roast for us (Sunday's are usually slow cooker and/or roast days around here). It's been cooking since about 2:00 and the whole house smells so good, yumm! I have been craving something all day too and can't seem to figure out what exactly. I've had ice cream, an apple with peanut butter, a fruit cup, crackers and cheese, chocolate milk and I still want something but I still don't know what! Maybe it's the smell of the roast that is confusing my taste buds. I know I can't wait for some mashed potatoes though!
I'm getting super excited that I am approaching the 34 week milestone! Only 10 more days and hopefully I will be allowed to return to work and to return to normal activity. Even if I'm only allowed to work from home, I hope that I can at least start working on the nursery and cooking and shopping again. I feel like honestly, it probably wouldn't hurt me to do some of those activities now but my husband won't let me ("Doctor's Orders!) so I continue to lay on the couch and watch him do laundry and cook and clean. That's killing me too because I want to nest! I want to clean the house before the baby comes and organize the kitchen cupboards to make room for baby food, I want to sterilize all the new bottles and pacifiers and breast pump parts, I want to finish putting the baby clothes away and organize the closet in the nursery and I want to clean the car thoroughly before we try to install the car seat. Hopefully I will be able to some, if not all of these things in about 10 days!
I love the weekends because that means I have my Jason home with me all day but it always makes Monday's all that much harder. I usually cry when he leaves for work on Monday morning too. But, hopefully I only have 2 more Monday's to put up with the feeling of abandonment. I am going to try to have a good and positive week too. I have several things to look forward too, other than having our little sweet pea. We are taking a birthing class on March 20 (assuming my doctor still allows this), and I have another baby shower (for my side of the family) on March 27. Unfortunately one of the things I was looking forward too next weekend I can't attend though (my niece's second birthday party). I just can't be making the trip and spending 2 hours in the car to get there. It makes me super sad though!
Well since my weekend time with my husband is coming to end, I am going to spend it with him. And I still need to get him to take a new belly shot of me so after dinner it's on. I will post the pic tomorrow.
And I had a good excuse to cheat too. We are doing an art project for Bri's room and I needed to take the supplies to Lynne. See, I bought these 8x10 canvases and painted each one the same color as the walls (pale pink), and then on each of the canvases, we are going to put one letter of Brianne's name. But we are letting a friend or family member each do one letter. I did the 'A', Jason is doing the 'I', my mom and dad are each doing a letter, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are each doing a letter, Jason's aunt Lynne is doing a letter and my BFF Sam is doing a letter. Yes I realize that is 8 people for a name with only 7 letters but we are doing our last initial too (which is also Bri's first initial) to hang on another wall. Oh, and Lynne is doing 2 masks with butterfly designs for the nursery too. She is so artistic and talented! She is making the masks out of gourds and we can hang them over the little tap lights and use them as night lights! When she finishes them I will post pics because it's just too hard to explain them in words.
Since it's Sunday, Jason is making a pork roast for us (Sunday's are usually slow cooker and/or roast days around here). It's been cooking since about 2:00 and the whole house smells so good, yumm! I have been craving something all day too and can't seem to figure out what exactly. I've had ice cream, an apple with peanut butter, a fruit cup, crackers and cheese, chocolate milk and I still want something but I still don't know what! Maybe it's the smell of the roast that is confusing my taste buds. I know I can't wait for some mashed potatoes though!
I'm getting super excited that I am approaching the 34 week milestone! Only 10 more days and hopefully I will be allowed to return to work and to return to normal activity. Even if I'm only allowed to work from home, I hope that I can at least start working on the nursery and cooking and shopping again. I feel like honestly, it probably wouldn't hurt me to do some of those activities now but my husband won't let me ("Doctor's Orders!) so I continue to lay on the couch and watch him do laundry and cook and clean. That's killing me too because I want to nest! I want to clean the house before the baby comes and organize the kitchen cupboards to make room for baby food, I want to sterilize all the new bottles and pacifiers and breast pump parts, I want to finish putting the baby clothes away and organize the closet in the nursery and I want to clean the car thoroughly before we try to install the car seat. Hopefully I will be able to some, if not all of these things in about 10 days!
I love the weekends because that means I have my Jason home with me all day but it always makes Monday's all that much harder. I usually cry when he leaves for work on Monday morning too. But, hopefully I only have 2 more Monday's to put up with the feeling of abandonment. I am going to try to have a good and positive week too. I have several things to look forward too, other than having our little sweet pea. We are taking a birthing class on March 20 (assuming my doctor still allows this), and I have another baby shower (for my side of the family) on March 27. Unfortunately one of the things I was looking forward too next weekend I can't attend though (my niece's second birthday party). I just can't be making the trip and spending 2 hours in the car to get there. It makes me super sad though!
Well since my weekend time with my husband is coming to end, I am going to spend it with him. And I still need to get him to take a new belly shot of me so after dinner it's on. I will post the pic tomorrow.
Friday, March 5, 2010
32w2d - Boredom
I'm bored again... I've been ok all week and have kept busy with various little tasks and today I finished everything I had to do and boredom has returned. I read all my magazines, and finished my thank you cards, filled out the invitations for my family baby shower, surfed the web and now there's nothing on tv. And to make it worse, the sun is shining and it's fairly warm outside and I just want to be out there doing something! I just feel like screaming!!!
Being stuck in the house is getting old! I would just love to go for a drive or something at this point. I know I was just out yesterday for my doctor appointment and maybe that's why I feel so bored today because I got to leave yesterday. I don't know but today it's killing me! And everyone is at work so I can't call and ask someone to come visit me. Hopefully Jason will be home early tonite. Maybe we can go pick up some take out when he gets home... But then I'll just feel guilty for cheating. But it just feels like the walls are starting to close in on me...
I'm trying to stay positive so I don't have an anxiety attack but it's getting harder to do that. I have only got one week and five days left till I will be allowed some freedom and possibly even the option of returning to work. It just feels like that is so far away that I'll never make it. Yes I know, it's only 13 days, but that feels like a life time to me. And to make matters worse, my niece's 2nd birthday party is March 13 in Louisville (which is 2 hours away) and there's no way I will be able to go to it. I feel like a prisoner.
13 Days till the 34 week milestone... I can do it! I have to do it for Bri and I know that I can but days like today make it so hard to see the end goal. I wish I could go to sleep for 13 days and wake up and it'll all be over with.
Being stuck in the house is getting old! I would just love to go for a drive or something at this point. I know I was just out yesterday for my doctor appointment and maybe that's why I feel so bored today because I got to leave yesterday. I don't know but today it's killing me! And everyone is at work so I can't call and ask someone to come visit me. Hopefully Jason will be home early tonite. Maybe we can go pick up some take out when he gets home... But then I'll just feel guilty for cheating. But it just feels like the walls are starting to close in on me...
I'm trying to stay positive so I don't have an anxiety attack but it's getting harder to do that. I have only got one week and five days left till I will be allowed some freedom and possibly even the option of returning to work. It just feels like that is so far away that I'll never make it. Yes I know, it's only 13 days, but that feels like a life time to me. And to make matters worse, my niece's 2nd birthday party is March 13 in Louisville (which is 2 hours away) and there's no way I will be able to go to it. I feel like a prisoner.
13 Days till the 34 week milestone... I can do it! I have to do it for Bri and I know that I can but days like today make it so hard to see the end goal. I wish I could go to sleep for 13 days and wake up and it'll all be over with.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
32w1d - Good News!
Today was my weekly outing to the doctor and for my fetal growth ultrasound... Yesterday I was feeling very positive about it, but this morning I was feeling anxious. I cheated a little this week - going through all my gifts from the shower, went with Jason last night to the Frisch's drive thru for Big Boys and onion rings and did a little more sitting than laying. But, I got good news! My cervix has not effaced or dilated any more! My OB was very excited at the way things looked and said I'm doing good.
The ultrasound showed Bri is growing and she's now up to 4.5 lbs! She is totally healthy and right where she should be growth wise so that is great news too. She was being shy though and didn't want to show her face. We did finally get a peak at it though but then she put her little fists back up and covered it. We saw her little feet and while we were looking at them she kicked me pretty hard. It's funny because now I know what body parts are where and so I can tell a kick from a punch.
I feel so relieved now! I feel like I know my limits more now and that it is actually okay for me to do some things at the house. I don't want to be too ambitious and overdo it but I feel like it's okay for me to do some little things and that I don't have to be in bed all day. It's such a relief to know that I've been able to keep the bun in the oven for 4 weeks now!!
After my appointment, my husband took me through the McDonald's drive thru for lunch and I dropped him off at work and drove home. But I cheated a little... I went to Walgreens. I parked right in front of the door and just bought thank you cards for my shower and a couple magazines to keep me occupied today. I think that this weekend Jason is going to sneak me out again to visit his aunt and uncle too. His aunt Lynne is going to do a painting for the baby's room so we need to go talk to her about the theme of the room. I'm looking forward to this outing too because it's supposed to be warm and sunny Saturday!
And when I got home there was a package on the door step! My friend Katie who couldn't make it to the shower last weekend sent me a gift! It's a newborn sling and it's so nice! Thanks Katie!!!
The ultrasound showed Bri is growing and she's now up to 4.5 lbs! She is totally healthy and right where she should be growth wise so that is great news too. She was being shy though and didn't want to show her face. We did finally get a peak at it though but then she put her little fists back up and covered it. We saw her little feet and while we were looking at them she kicked me pretty hard. It's funny because now I know what body parts are where and so I can tell a kick from a punch.
I feel so relieved now! I feel like I know my limits more now and that it is actually okay for me to do some things at the house. I don't want to be too ambitious and overdo it but I feel like it's okay for me to do some little things and that I don't have to be in bed all day. It's such a relief to know that I've been able to keep the bun in the oven for 4 weeks now!!
After my appointment, my husband took me through the McDonald's drive thru for lunch and I dropped him off at work and drove home. But I cheated a little... I went to Walgreens. I parked right in front of the door and just bought thank you cards for my shower and a couple magazines to keep me occupied today. I think that this weekend Jason is going to sneak me out again to visit his aunt and uncle too. His aunt Lynne is going to do a painting for the baby's room so we need to go talk to her about the theme of the room. I'm looking forward to this outing too because it's supposed to be warm and sunny Saturday!
And when I got home there was a package on the door step! My friend Katie who couldn't make it to the shower last weekend sent me a gift! It's a newborn sling and it's so nice! Thanks Katie!!!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
32 Weeks!!! Hoping for a good appointment...
I've made it to 32 weeks today! This is a personal victory for me because I was sure I wouldn't last a week on bed rest and I've now lasted 4. For those of you who don't know me, I've never been one to sit still for too long - always on the go. So this is huge for me! And I will admit that some days the being lazy and laying around the house isn't so bad, but my body is paying the price. I'm sure I've lost like 25% of my muscle mass and lung capacity so I'm not real sure how I'm going to survive labor and delivery, or caring for a newborn. Good thing I have such a wonderful husband, family and friends to help me out.
My weekly OB appointment is tomorrow and as usual, I'm nervous and anxious. We also have a fetal growth ultrasound tomorrow and I'm excited to see Bri again and find out how much she weighs now. She was weighing in at a whopping 3.5 lbs at 28 weeks so I'm guessing she'll be around 4.5 now. That's reassuring to know just in case she does come early. My big worry for the week is as usual centered around my stubborn cervix. Last week my OB estimated that it was already about 90% effaced, so now I'm wondering if it has changed. And if it has changed, and it is more effaced or god forbid fully effaced, what will happen? Will that mean that labor is imminent? Will she want to induce me or keep me in the hospital? I will of course be taking my overnight bags with me but let's all hope and pray that I will not end up in the Labor & Delivery ward tomorrow.
Yesterday I had some serious preggo cravings... My lunch consisted of a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli, doritos, a pickel and some chocolate ice cream. Looks like I've got my appetite back! Today I have a Friends marathon planned and will be staying in bed (as apposed to the couch) all day to "prep" for my doctor's appointment. Not too thrilled about that but it seems to have worked in the past. And Jason is leaving for work right now so my solitude begins. I'm always a little sad when he leaves me in the morning...
On a good note, it's starting to warm up around here and spring is just around the corner. I love seeing the sunshine through the curtains though I don't think I could have survived my house arrest if it would have happened in the spring or summer. So I should be allowed back out into the real world at 34 weeks which is right around the official start of spring! I wonder if I'll have time to plant my flowers before Bri comes? I keep fantasizing about me taking Bri out in her stroller for long walks and sitting in the sun on the deck with her. I wonder if we'll be able to swim before my maternity leave ends... So for now I am going back to bed to dream of warmer days with my little sweet pea.
My weekly OB appointment is tomorrow and as usual, I'm nervous and anxious. We also have a fetal growth ultrasound tomorrow and I'm excited to see Bri again and find out how much she weighs now. She was weighing in at a whopping 3.5 lbs at 28 weeks so I'm guessing she'll be around 4.5 now. That's reassuring to know just in case she does come early. My big worry for the week is as usual centered around my stubborn cervix. Last week my OB estimated that it was already about 90% effaced, so now I'm wondering if it has changed. And if it has changed, and it is more effaced or god forbid fully effaced, what will happen? Will that mean that labor is imminent? Will she want to induce me or keep me in the hospital? I will of course be taking my overnight bags with me but let's all hope and pray that I will not end up in the Labor & Delivery ward tomorrow.
Yesterday I had some serious preggo cravings... My lunch consisted of a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli, doritos, a pickel and some chocolate ice cream. Looks like I've got my appetite back! Today I have a Friends marathon planned and will be staying in bed (as apposed to the couch) all day to "prep" for my doctor's appointment. Not too thrilled about that but it seems to have worked in the past. And Jason is leaving for work right now so my solitude begins. I'm always a little sad when he leaves me in the morning...
On a good note, it's starting to warm up around here and spring is just around the corner. I love seeing the sunshine through the curtains though I don't think I could have survived my house arrest if it would have happened in the spring or summer. So I should be allowed back out into the real world at 34 weeks which is right around the official start of spring! I wonder if I'll have time to plant my flowers before Bri comes? I keep fantasizing about me taking Bri out in her stroller for long walks and sitting in the sun on the deck with her. I wonder if we'll be able to swim before my maternity leave ends... So for now I am going back to bed to dream of warmer days with my little sweet pea.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
31w6d - A letter to my daughter
Brianne,
These last four weeks have been tough but in just a short while, you will be here and all the hardships we went through will have been more than worth it. I can't wait till I finally get to meet you and see your sweet little face. I dream about you nightly and wonder if you are dreaming too. Your daddy and I already love you so much and can't wait to bring you home.
You had hiccups again today. I always feel so bad when you get them and hope they aren't painful or annoying. I must admit that I am going to miss feeling you moving around in my belly. It's the most reassuring feeling in the world to know you are in there and that you are healthy. It always erases all my worries and fears. I read to you again today, and every time I do I hope you can hear me.
Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks pregnant and we will get to see you on ultrasound again on Thursday. I can't wait to see you and hear your heartbeat again! I think that since your birth is getting nearer I am getting more anxious too. I have moments of fear - fear that I won't be a good mother or know how to comfort you when you cry or know when you are hungry. But everytime I am afraid, your daddy comforts me and tells me that I'm going to be a wonderful mom. He is so strong and will be the best dad ever. He has been my rock through all of this and is so patient and caring.
You have kept company in a way these last 4 weeks being home all day and we are going to have so much fun when you are born. I hope we will be best friends as you grow up too. I love you so much,
Mom
These last four weeks have been tough but in just a short while, you will be here and all the hardships we went through will have been more than worth it. I can't wait till I finally get to meet you and see your sweet little face. I dream about you nightly and wonder if you are dreaming too. Your daddy and I already love you so much and can't wait to bring you home.
You had hiccups again today. I always feel so bad when you get them and hope they aren't painful or annoying. I must admit that I am going to miss feeling you moving around in my belly. It's the most reassuring feeling in the world to know you are in there and that you are healthy. It always erases all my worries and fears. I read to you again today, and every time I do I hope you can hear me.
Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks pregnant and we will get to see you on ultrasound again on Thursday. I can't wait to see you and hear your heartbeat again! I think that since your birth is getting nearer I am getting more anxious too. I have moments of fear - fear that I won't be a good mother or know how to comfort you when you cry or know when you are hungry. But everytime I am afraid, your daddy comforts me and tells me that I'm going to be a wonderful mom. He is so strong and will be the best dad ever. He has been my rock through all of this and is so patient and caring.
You have kept company in a way these last 4 weeks being home all day and we are going to have so much fun when you are born. I hope we will be best friends as you grow up too. I love you so much,
Mom
Monday, March 1, 2010
31w5d - Baby Shower Recap
Yesterday was my baby shower and it was totally fun! I loved getting to see all my family and friends and the chance to get out of the house if only for a few hours. I just want to thank my mom, Sam and Jennifer for throwing such a great shower and thanks to everyone who came and for all the wonderful baby stuff!!! We got a ton of diapers and wipes and clothes! So many teeny tiny little outfits that I can't to put on Bri! I hope she likes pink lol.
The games were a hoot too! Even though the "guess mommy's tummy size" game made me feel huge and fat lol. But I got several jars of baby food left over from the guess the food in the jar game. And speaking of food, yumm! Sam my BFF (that's me and her in the pic below) made yummy chocolate cupcakes and they were totally adorable! And Jenn made punch with sherbert yumm!
I have so many things I want to put together too. My parents got us the stroller/car seat travel system and I can't wait to see it together. They also got us the matching high chair and a bouncy seat. Now I have 2 bouncy seats (one was a Christmas gift from Sam) so I'll be able to leave one at my parents' house for when they watch her. Now I am sad though because we have all this wonderful stuff and I can't get out of bed to put stuff away and organize or play with any of it. I did however get my breast pump out this morning and examined it... looks scary! Not looking forward to pumping! So this week I am going to write out my thank you notes which I will have plenty of time for.
After the shower I was totally exhausted though! It's amazing how much muscle tone and energy I have lost in the last 4 weeks! And whoa has my lung capacity diminished! I basically just crashed on the couch after the shower and waited for dinner (Jason made chicken marsala, yumm!!) and then went to bed after eating. I'm not sure how I am going to survive labor when I'm so weak! Thank god Jason is going to be home with me for the first week after she's born! And my mom is going to take off the 2nd week and stay with me to help out. Hopefully 2 weeks will be enough time to let me regain some lost muscle and energy...
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